Steven Lynn Bassett

Born July 6, 1965

Logan Cache County Utah

Bonnie Jean Frandsen

Born May 5, 1960

Brigham City Box Elder County Utah

Married

January 6, 1990

Logan City, Cache County Utah

Logan L.D.S Temple

 

 

 

 

 

 

It began with a gentle nibbling on her ear.

This is the first line of a poem I wrote several years ago for my communications class at Brigham Young University – Idaho. It is about the first time I made love to my wife. It was on our second day of marriage; she asked me to help her make a baby.  The first day had been a long a tiring day. Bonnie had to plan and prepare her own wedding reception.  After the wedding, we cleaned up the church cultural hall, so that first night together had been a pajama night. She will forever remain the only woman to make that request.

I ask myself this question at work.  What is a marriage if it is not about companionship and not about sex? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex as much as the next man and the desire to participate in it has never left me, but my wife lost the desire for sex, decades ago. I don’t know if it is because of early menopause brought on by the hysterectomy, the way I treated her early in our marriage, or just the physical fact that I am too fat for sex to be comfortable for me. The fact remains that I have remained forever attracted to her and have a desire to bless her life in whatever relationship I can maintain between us. Sometimes, this can be difficult because, after 30 minutes with her, I need to find something else to capture my attention as our interests are so divergent.

A couple of years ago, I wrote an essay, that on the surface, seemed to say my wife was not my best friend but that my sister was my best friend.  My wife and I share a best friend.  It is my younger sister Debra.  Years ago, my wife recommended that if I wanted to see a movie or go do something socially that I should take my sister. I have more fun on a date with my sister than I do with my wife. My wife knows there is no physical attraction with my sister; we have similar interests and enjoy doing the same things. There is no fear that I will begin an affair with my sister.  Neither my sister nor I desire that sort of relationship; we just enjoy doing the same things socially. Many times, when we were first married, I would take Debra and her husband on double dates so I would have someone to talk to during dinner.

But if you read between the lines of that essay, you see that Bonnie is my best friend, not because we have similar interests or because we enjoy doing the same things.  Bonnie has dedicated herself to providing me with a good life, a clean home, and two children. For two decades, she was always home when I arrived home. Bonnie knew I hated coming home to an empty house. On those rare occasions when she could not be home, she would send me on an errand or ask me to wait for her at someone’s home until she could be home with me.  Bonnie may have only done this on a dozen occasions in those twenty years.

I remember the story of the little boy who, on coming home, runs into the house to find his mother.  Once he has located her, he can go outside to play or start his chores. That is the way I felt about coming home.  I would look for my wife.  I needed to know where she was because she is the base I built my life upon.

When she discovered I was infertile, we attended some adoption classes at L.D.S. Social Services. When that did not work out, she hatched a play with her younger sister to provide us with a child. Without Bonnie, I would not have received a child; I may never have become a father without Bonnie and Nancy.

I always wanted to be a father and husband. In my teens, I began a study of early L.D.S. Church history. I was reading the 7-volume history of Joseph Smith and his restoration of the Church. It is the one edited by B.H. Roberts. I would read and journal about my experience every night. My ninth-grade teacher was teaching me to write simple one-page essays.  I would write these essays and write letters to my future wife and children.

My mom taught me from an early age about the castle on the hill in the center of town. It was a temple, built by my grandfathers, where she had knelt at an altar and promised to be my mom for all eternity.  She said because of that promise; we would be a family for all eternity.

I wanted to find a woman who would make these same promises with me at the same temple alters.

I would write and journal about what this woman would be like, and I questioned how I would find her and know her when I met her.

In my Church, we are asked not to date or court women until we turn 16; even then, we are asked to court in groups. This often includes dances and combined activities with the young women in the Ward. The first girl I dated one on one with was Linda Bullard. We had been friends when she was younger and lived next to my grandma Bassett. I lost track of her when she moved away at about ten. We met again when she was 14. This was at my bishop's house, a friend of her foster parents. She invited me to their home for Thanksgiving. This never worked out because she was too young to court.

The next girl I courted, I met on a Logan High Orchestra trip. We attended a competition in San Diego, California.  She made me lunch in her motel room.  I fell asleep afterward while watching television. This is not a great way to begin a courtship.  I was attracted to several of the orchestra girls, but none of them developed into anything more than admiration from afar.

When I was serving as Mission Recorder in the Mission Office, I learned that Terri Sue Allen was going on a mission to Austria. She was a year older than me in High School. I could start courting her after our missions. She was one of the girls I was attracted to in High School. I visited her several time on Sunday evening, and I even took her on a few dates, but she was not interested in anything more. This infatuation lasted several years. After I gave up on starting this relationship, I discovered Bonnie.

When I was 23, my roommate challenged me to get married next year. I was not dating anyone at the time. He said I could set a goal and then pray about it. This I decided to do.

I noticed a young lady in our young adult ward who had a small child. She was a bit of a wild child seeking to change her life. Her name was Cindy. I am not sure she was a baptized member of the Ward. Once, she came dressed in a dog collar when we went out. One time we went to a local bar to listen to a band.  The band was led by a friend from high school, Aaron Baugh.  It may seem weird to go to a bar and not drink just to listen to a band, but that is what we did. Thankfully I realized this relationship was not the kind of relationship I needed to get married in the temple.

I was introduced to another young lady by a member of our young adult ward.  Ginger Bright and I went out a few times; she may have been my first steady girlfriend. She asked me to stop dating her because she had been raped and could never make anyone a good wife. I was grateful that she broke things off.  The thought of waking up every morning and seeing her in bed was not pleasant.

One day my date began bugging me about a girl from his work. He said she was a return missionary and needed a good boyfriend. I was not interested in asking her out. I have learned from experience that the only way I could get him to leave me alone was to ask her out at least once. He made it seem like he had talked to her, and she wanted to go out with me.

I was working part-time at a Television Repair shop.  I had dropped out of college because my grades were terrible. One day she brought her television in for repair. She arrived in her sisters' car with her mom and her sisters' children.  I thought they looked like the Beverly Hillbillies. I called her up one day at work.  Her mom answered the phone, and I asked to speak with Bonnie.  No, the television was not repaired but would she go swimming with me that weekend.  The Young adult ward had an activity at a Hot Springs in Preston, Idaho.  I think she went out with me to stop Dad from bugging her at work about his return missionary son. The date went well, and she did look good in a bathing suit. She agreed to a second date.  I think it was to the movies. Our third date was the Herzog family reunion. I needed to introduce her to my family early.  If she did not like my family, this relationship would go nowhere. She loved my family, and they loved her. Within six months, we were married and sealed in the temple. Only later did I learn that she knew my older brother and swore she would never marry one of my fathers' sons.

I enjoy family history and love to learn about my grandfathers and grandmothers. I have a program on my cell phone that lets me see all of their histories for at least seven generations. I have read many of their life histories. It is an example of their relationship that has strengthened Bonnie and my relationship.

Thurston Larson was one of the ancestors I love to learn about.  He immigrated from Norway to a community in Iowa near Nauvoo; it was there that his family joined the Mormon church. He was part of the group forced to leave Nauvoo and immigrate west as part of the Mormon migration. He was part of the Mormon Battalion and served in the Mexican American War. He married a young lady from England. She left him for another man leaving him with several children. Later in life, they remarried in the Logan Temple. He partly did this so he could leave her with his war pension. Sometimes love means taking care of someone even when they have wronged you. He must have loved her.

 

 

 

This is my grandmother Lauretta West Byington. My mom told me her story from when I was a little boy. She died while in child delivery. She left several children for my grandfather to raise as a single father in the depression. She could have had an operation to deliver the child, but she would die. She decided to take this last child to Heaven to raise herself. She could not leave her husband with one more child to support with little or no resources.

Her daughter Sarah Elnora (Nora) Herzog raised her last child. Chancy came with her when she married my grandfather Leo Herzog.

These memories of my ancestors and their relationships have sustained my desire to build a relationship with my wife. When life becomes challenging and unbearable, I think of them, and their sacrifices give me the strength to try one more time.

I do love my wife and my children.  I want them forever.  Without my wife and our temple covenants, I also know I cannot with my mother and father and our extended family.  I will devote the remainder of my life to blessing Bonnie's life so that she will choose me again as her eternal companion when we wake on the morning of the resurrection.

 

 

 

 

On Battling the streets of Vicksburg

 I have walked the Battlefields of Vicksburg MS.  Whether those battles be from civil war days or the days of my youth.

In the fall of 1985, I lived briefly in Vicksburg MS.  I was serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. During the weeks I would walk the streets knocking on doors and speaking to people.  Searching for those who were searching for Christ.  Most of the time my search failed.  Not many people were searching for Christ.  Even though their lives were largely unfulfilled they where not dissatisfied enough to seek a change.

On the weekends or on Preparation Day, I would drive the single-lane road that covered the Vicksburg Battlefield Park. Men battled there for lives that were largely unsatisfying and unfulfilled.  In those times the Generals thought nothing of losing 50,000 American lives in one day. These men may have come from both Boston and Memphis, yet still, they were American lives.

At the close of my mission, I again walked the Battlefields of Vicksburg, this time with my mom.  I had asked her to come and bring me home at the end of my mission. My Mom and I had battled for two decades to create a relationship that was fulfilled and satisfying.  As I look back now as an old man, I think we essentially won that battle.

And again, today I see men and women, American’s, battling in the streets for their largely unsatisfying lives. We still waste far too many American lives. We continue to battle for the unsatisfying, the things that will never feed our bodies and support our souls.

How do I awaken myself and my fellow Americans to seek and find the one who will fill our lives and feed our needs?

Don Williams "Good Ole Boys like me

Jackson Browne, "Lives in the Balance

On Freedom or Advent

 “A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes - and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, letter from Tegel Prison

I sit on the edge of my bed mourning the recent death of my father and celebrating the way I offered him a good death, and this quote comes to mind. As a member of a faith community, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that does not celebrate Advent I wonder what he is celebrating in this letter.

My first thoughts are that it must be similar to our idea of the Atonement where Christ opens the door, to our prison, by his sacrifice in the Olive Grove. There is a famous image that hangs in many of our churches. In the painting, Christ is outside knocking on a door with no knob. It symbolizes Christ knocking on the door waiting for an invitation to go inside.

Bonhoeffer wrote this letter to a friend from a Nazi Prison camp where he was sentenced for the crime of establishing independent Lutheran Seminaries. He is locked in a building awaiting the opening of a mortal prison cell. He will never be freed from this prison. He will be hung shortly before the end of World War II.

So, what is the Advent Bonhoeffer is referring to in this letter? I turn to my best research associate, Google, and ask it what is Advent and when it occurs. I learn that it begins four weeks before Christmas when the Christian Community anticipates the coming birth of the Savor. Since the time of Adam and Eve, he and his children have looked forward to their release from their confinement brought on by the eating of the fruit and the Fall of Mankind.

I wonder if I am awaiting a gift of freedom from a sense of guilt and loss. The guilt of having deprived my father-in-law of a good death, or the failure to provide for my father an environment where he would not be able to injure himself. His death was brought on by a refusal to remain his home while I was at work. He crashed his bike in the middle of the street while recovering from neck surgery. But anyone who knows my father knows the only way I could have prevented this injury was to covert our home into more of the prison then it was currently. Since the starting of the Covid-19 outbreak he has been largely confined to his home, and this has left him with very few pleasures in life.

Toward the end of his life, I knew we would be confined to this home together, me giving him his medicine every four hours and emptying urine bags, while I worked from an adjoining bedroom. We both looked forward to freedom or Advent. He from his Earthy confines and me from this sense of guilt and loss.

He passed fairly quickly after I received permission to use the Oral Morphine. Both of us enjoy freedom or Advent together. He died on a Thursday and on Friday morning I awoke and sent my boss an SMS saying I was not coming to work. I filled my car with gasoline and took a long 6-hour drive through Eastern Idaho and Western Wyoming. It was such a beautiful day for a drive and a chance to celebrate this Advent and look to the next where Christ would redeem my father and me and help us to return to my Heavenly Parents.

On Faithful, Nonconformity

Why must he then,
be faithfully nonconformant?

To believe then,
is to come to then, to know.

When they believed,
did they then conform?

Was it in the beginning,
or in the end?

Speaking of the Cowboy Jesus.
May a man have a vision of the one,
then standing next to a urinal,
in a stall at his wife's baptism?

May Christ reveal himself, to us,
in this manner?

What if the Cowboy Jesus would come riding a horse,
in his cowboy suit, consuming Camel Cigarettes?
Would we then turn him, away?

What if God disobeyed The Word of Wisdom.

Peter partook of the forbidden animals,
and converted the gentiles.

He is now a member of the Christian community,
because Peter broke his version,
of the Word of Wisdom.

Peter then faithfully nonconformed.

Once in Vicksburg, He met the one,
who dying of cancer, received a vision,
From the other,  who was testifying to the truthfulness,
of the Book of Mormon, and the restoration,
while consuming Camel Cigarettes.

To break a rule is to be disobedient.
Disobedience is not faithful nonconformity.
Lucifer rebelled and desired his own will.
Eve disobeyed, to conform to God's will.

Truly it is the rule-breakers,
who disrupt the status quo,
and create a place, for growth.

On the cowboy Jesus

The new understanding, the morning after.

Gethsemane had always been plan A,
not a contingency, not plan B,
but plan A. 

He and the Father had studied it,
and discussed it and approved it.

This is the plan then,
how to rescue the new,
creations. 

The first had rebelled,
had been cast out,
before their bodies,
they had received. 

Their choice than to follow,
Lucifer, The Son of the Morning.
The Heavens mourned their loss,
at his rebellion. 

To know a thing,
is not to understand a thing.
This then, he had come, to see. 

This thing he must now, experience,
to better understand,
to better become their advocate,
with the Father. 

This then-new experience,
is like, the experience,
of new Fatherhood. 

One can study and understand,
the process, but to receive, then a child,
and then to raise a child,
this, then offers a new level, of understanding. 

What then does he now, understand,
on the morning after, Gethsemane. 

The Father had separated himself, not
than ever, from the Son. 

This, then new experience,
This, then new death,
this we label, Spiritual Death. 

Spiritual Death, requires separation,
from the Father. 

The Son had never sinned,
had never chosen, his ways,
over his father’s ways. 

Or to say again,
the Father's ways were always,
his ways. 

These ways, then,
one and the same,
were they, always?  

The Father and Son,
always, of one mind,
and one will. 

How then does the Father,
separate himself,
from the Son? 

To what corner of the Universe?
Can he then depart?

To then separate,
and no longer be one,
with the Son. 

That the Son may now experience,
Spiritual Death?

To better advocate for,
their new Creations. 

To redeem now, their new, Creations.
This thing, then he learned,
then, here this day. 

This pain of Spiritual Death,
of this separation from the Father,
of guilt and shame,
over choices made. 

Freedom, or free will,
would always require,
the possibility of then choice,
other than the Father's choice. 

This then we label,
the Fathers will.

With these choices, by the new creation,
they would then learn to be more,
like the Father and the Son. 

This then to learn to rejoice,
or regret the consequences of,
these new choices. 

Turning back towards the Father,
they would then, learn,
to resubmit their will,
to the Fathers will,
their ways becoming, anew,
the Father's ways, again. 

This then always learning,
that the Father's choices would then become,
their choices, the remainder of the Eternities. 

The Son now understanding their choice,
from his experiences, on Earth, and in the Garden. 

This then-new knowledge and experience,
and then to take upon himself,
the full price, and penalty of sin,
or separation from God The Father. 

He then more fully becoming, for them,
their advocate with the Father.

On the smell of new life, creation

Let's make a baby, she said,
there on her waterbed.

This, then, installed last week,
when her things, they moved in.

She was the first,
and would remain, the one only,
to make such a request.

Her Dad had feared,
the roof would collapse,
on the family home,
when her trousseau,
She, removed.

Contained within, 
all ingredients needed,
to create a family,
less one husband.

Thirty years, she waited,
for this day.

It was not the first night,
but second.

The first night,
a pajama night,
had been.

The temple wedding,
the reception, in Franklin,
with family, and friends.

These had taken,
all her energy,
that first night.

That morning, he spent,
crying in the bathroom,
in the apartment. 

Left him early, that morn, she did
from, the family breakfast, 
with her best friend.

The meal offered,
on this day, by the landlady,
In this, their new home,

Early, she was needed 
to begin the preparations
for the day's events at the temple.

She thought she was offering a kindness,
He thought, she preferred, her best friend.

This gift she offered him,
more time with his family.
The ones not permitted to attend,
the wedding.

Then were the smells,
In the morning,
of the third day.

they awoke early,
to prepare for this
their new life,
together.

No time for a honeymoon.
That would never come.

He was needed,
at the repair shop.

She, a home,
to organize.

Coming home that night,
the apartment clean
a fridge with food,
dinner on the table,
and clean laundry.

These things,
his mom,
did not ...

these then, new smells,
then did surprise him,
that morn'.

Like the smell,
of the ice cream bucket,
in their friend's truck,
containing the nauseous, contents
of a night's dinner.

The one held to celebrate,
the arrival of the couples,
first child, that next spring.

the smell of new love,
and stale sex.

like two moose,
rutting in the woods,
bringing new life, to the world.

or two socks,
sitting in the bottom,
of the hamper,
waiting to be renewed,
at next week's laundry.

The gentle nibbling,
on her ear, as they sought,
to start, that new life,
together.

These are the smells,
that surprised him,
that second morning.

The large righteous, posterity,
God had promised him.

Create not together,
they would.

These babies would come,
from one, who loved, them all.

This, new source
a handmaiden, she would be.

In the Torah, a handmaiden,
is the one, to supply a new life,
when no life, create, the couple,
together.

Hagar, Ruth, and Mary,
such handmaidens,
had been to God
and the family.

In time, her sister,
then one, would be.

Still the smells, the next morn',
he would forget not.

The life, this then, they nurture,
together, this day.

This is version 2.0

She then ministered to them.

Had she then ministered to him?

The one, who was sent,
By the one who loved them all?

Such difficulty, there had always been.
Between him and the one who created him.

This the one, who created him second.
The first creator he has no memory of,
the one in the divine nursery.

She the first, sought to ease, the difficulty.
between the second creator and her son.

Once long ago, lost had been another,
In the act of creation.

All of his life he had heard the story,
of the one who died young taking her final creation,
with her into the Eternities.

She then leaving behind her first six creations.
This then for the father to raise,
in the middle of a depression.

This then was his great-grandmother,
his mothers, mothers, mother.

Did his grandmother then return to minister to them,
to heal the void, between them now?
At the request, of the Eternal Mother,
The one from the divine Nursery?

His mom so young had she been,
when created him, she.
So young and inexperienced,
tobe then she was, still learning.

This angel, then sent, to minister,
his mothers, mothers, mother.
To heal the void, between them two.

This is the thought that then comes to him,
as he fears the loss of the grandmothers,
from the bitterness, and failure to forgive his mother,
for the mother she has ceased to be.

So, he knows now then, the angel sent to minister,
To bind up the wounds and seal the void,
between them now.

Lauretta West Byington
5 June 1893- 7 May 1924

 

 

I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.  Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy.  I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.  (2 Timothy 1:3-5 (NIV))

He sent angels, divine messengers, to bless His children, reassure them that heaven was always very close and that His help was always very near.  (Jeffrey R. Holland October Conference 2008)

The Lord builds up Jerusalem;
He gathers together the outcasts of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:2-3)

"With malice toward none with charity for all with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right let us strive on to finish the work we are in to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan ~ to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations." Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address

 

My wife the prophetess

1. Deborah was a prophetess.  She like my wife, daughter, and sister have an important place in building the kingdom of God.  Judges 4:4

In the last few months, I have been reading and searching the scripture to understand the powers my wife and sister share with their Heavenly Mother.  I remember when the children were babies and my wife would pray over them as she placed them in a cool basin of water when they were ill or teething.  My wife can serve a mission and serve in the temple without formal ordination.  These are things I could not do. A few months ago I wrote this essay on some of my conclusions. 

I have learned to know and to appreciate how my wife is a prophetess and how the powers She shares with her Heavenly Mother bless our family. 

On his Wife's Heavenly Power

Coming to terms with my racist past

 Does the fact that a man is a racist slave-holding person preclude him from being a righteous god-fearing man seeking to redeem Zion.

In the United States today there are men and women forming mobs and tearing down statues.  Most of these statues are of men who at some point in their lives owned slaves. Among these statues are men who lived and died seeking to create the world we now inhabit. Men like Thomas Jefferson, and Francis Scott Key, and Ulysses Grant. Grant by the way emancipated his one slave before emancipation was an acceptable thing and this caused him trouble with his in-laws.

For a long time, there has been a need to recognize and come to terms with our racist heritage. Many of my personal heroes have a racist past. Let me tell you about one racist slaveholder from my past.

This man was a Methodist preacher who turned to full-time missionary work when his wife died and left him with two young children. He left his children with his best friend's wife and went on preaching circuits spreading the Methodist faith with no purse or script.

He later discovered and helped promote a major American Religion. He served two missions to England and was responsible for bringing tens of thousands of English converts to America to strengthen this society. He led tens of thousands of religious refugees from the United States to form a new society in the Great Basin of the then Mexican Territory.

After he founded this territory, he worked to create slave laws protecting the right to own slaves in this territory. As a trustee for this faith, for a short time, he became the owner of at least one slave. As a religious and civil leader, he worked to hold the United States Army in central Wyoming, for a winter, to further his political and religious agenda.

He worked for and actively pursued a policy that prevented negro men and women from holding priesthood office in that faith.  That policy continued for nearly 130 years.

Knowing his racist past would you join a mob to tear down his statue?

Occasionally the people we know, and love does things that we do not approve of. My relationship with my mother was troubling and always a dance. She made many mistakes as she learned to be a better mom. It is only after I became a father that I learned to understand some of the choices she made.  Because my mom made many mistakes and did many things to harm her children in the process of learning to be a mom should I then take all of her pictures and burn them?

I think we need to use the same hindsight with our leaders and their racist past that I have used to understand my mother’s choices and mistakes.  I have learned from her mistakes.  I am learning to avoid the errors in parenting that she committed.

This racist Methodist preaching I am speaking about is Brigham Young, who as trustee in trust for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints did hold title to at least one slave. This slave had been donated to the church by one of the Mississippi Saints who donated it in partial payment of their tithing.  Green Flake was one of the vanguard 144 pioneers who first arrived in the great basin area of the future Utah Territory in 1847. During the winter of 1857, Brigham Young did capture and hold the United States Army in the Fort Bridger area of the Wyoming Territory while he sought a negotiated settlement between the Mormon Church and the United States Government. 

"Truth Be Told"

Lie number one: You're supposed to have it all together
And when they ask how you're doin', just smile and tell them, "Never better"
Lie number two: Everybody's life is perfect except yours
So keep your messes and your wounds and your secrets safe with you behind closed doors

But truth be told
The truth is rarely told, no...

I say, "I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine"
But I'm not, I'm broken
And when it's out of control I say it's under control
But it's not and You know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When bein' honest is the only way to fix it
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin You don't already know
So let the truth be told

There's a sign on the door, says, "Come as you are" but I doubt it
'Cause if we lived like that was true, every Sunday mornin' pew would be crowded
But didn't You say church should look more like a hospital?
A safe place for the sick, the sinner and the scarred, and the prodigals, like me

But truth be told, the truth is rarely told
Oh, am I the only one who says...

"I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine"
But I'm not, I'm broken
And when it's out of control I say it's under control
But it's not and You know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When bein' honest is the only way to fix it
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin You don't already know
So let the truth be told

Can I really stand here unashamed
Knowin' that Your love for me won't change?
Oh God, if that's really true
Then let the truth be told

I say, "I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine"
But I'm not, I'm broken
And when it's out of control I say it's under control
But it's not and You know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When bein' honest is the only way to fix it
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin You don't already know
Yeah, I know
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin You don't already know
So let the truth be told

on supporting the temple

 1.      The sons of Kohath were given the assignment to watch over and protect the Tabernacle Numbers 4:15

1. In the center of our town, there is a temple built by my great-grandfathers, great-grandfather. His name is Alexander McQueen. Now to honor him I attend and care for his temple.  I do not do the laundry or mow the lawn.  I maintain it by paying a faithful tithe and offering. Because I am grateful for his sacrifice I support the upkeep of the temple.  My brothers and sisters maintain the temple by paying faithful tithes and offerings. 

This is how we show gratitude to my grandfather for building us a temple. 

Alexander McQueen Family

On memories of Momma and the bedroom

 I woke this morning in a room where my Momma’s last three children were conceived. This room has been many things in the previous 45 years. It was a bedroom, a tv room, a hospital room, and finally a prison. My Momma spent her final years here confined to an oversized, overstuffed chair.

This room is where my Momma took her last breath. This room is where she took the sacrament weekly. This the Aaronic Priesthood delivered it to her home. This room is where we talked about Daddy and what would happen to him after she was gone.

This room is where I told her I understood her life’s choices and forgave her. I forgave her for being the mom she had ceased to be so many years ago. I was so furious at the Momma of my youth and learned to appreciate the Momma she is today.

Today, with the return of the wall, it is now a bedroom and a classroom. It is where I return to nightly and desperately seek to do just enough homework to finish this semester. It is where I set the alarm to call my wife nightly as she gets off her shift at the Gas Station. She has given me this time to care for my father in his final years. This time is when I seek to remind her how grateful I am that she has shared this life with me. I believe in Eternal Marriage, and ten thousand years from now, this will be a minor blip in our Eternal Relationship.

So, I seek to care for my father and build a relationship with my wife and children. This then is how I strive to develop Eternal Relationships with my family and my God.

On Being like Mose

 Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Exodus 32:30-34

While Moses was on the mount the people create a golden calf and sinned against the Lord. Moses loved the people, so he sought to intervene with the Lord on their behalf as a redeemer type as Christ serves as our redeemer.  God did not wash the sin of the people away but sought to turn them back his way again.  No matter how much we sin God will work for us to bring us redemption.  We must be careful that we do not sin beyond the point where we no longer seek redemption as the people under Mormon and Nephi no longer sought redemption. 

Have you ever saught to be a redeemer like Moses. Would you like to help redeem a brother and sister by both being a good example and by teaching and sharing what you know? 

First, you must love the people and they must know that you love them. You may have to serve them for decades before they begin to trust.  They may never change because of your influence, but they might. What do you have to lose by trying?

Thinks about this. 

God in Embryo, or the new Zygote.

 

Where we are in the universe

 

Moses 1

8 And it came to pass that Moses looked, and beheld the aworld (Links to an external site.) upon which he was created; and Moses bbeheld (Links to an external site.) the world and the ends thereof, and all the children of men which are, and which were created; of the same he greatly cmarveled (Links to an external site.) and wondered.

10 And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural astrength (Links to an external site.) like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that bman (Links to an external site.) is cnothing (Links to an external site.), which thing I never had supposed.

What is this then what Moses sees on Mt Sinai?  Why does supposed man is nothing?

But man is not nothing. Man is God's Child.  Man is god in embryo.  I and God are the same species. A sperm and an egg come together to create a Zygote. This Zygote is the same species as God. It is god in embryo.

My mom informed me that she knew I was coming at my conception.  She has a memory of where she was when she and Dad created me. For years I thought that was gross.  I really did not want to hear that from my mom.  No child wants to think about his parents creating life.  Now I wonder if God shared that secret with my mom.  Was I that special to God? Maybe it was my Eternal Mother who shared that information with my mom, not my Eternal Father.  She had spent eons with me in the Eternal Nursery and now she was sending me to Earth and she wanted my Earthly Mother to share in the joy of my creation.

Where we are in the Universe BYU-I video

On the question of posterity

 On his posterity 

 

1)      Genesis 26:4 God promised Abraham a great posterity through his son Isaac.

a)       I have been given the same promise in my patriarchal blessing. I was blessed with a large righteous posterity. At the time of the blessing, I was unaware that I was personally infertile. I am sure God was aware of my infertility. I have often asked myself what God sees as my posterity. When I was courting my wife, she informed me of her possible infertility. I told her that her possible infertility had no bearing on my choice to marry her. We would work out those details after we married. When we discovered my infertility, we chose to find joy in raising nieces and nephews while we waited for our children to come. This brought much happiness into our relationship. I have since learned my posterity includes all of those I have led to Christ. Thankfully we have adopted two beautiful children and helped her mom to raise two additional grandchildren.

 

What is in posterity, how do I define my posterity?

If posterity are the children of the body? Why did God promise in my Patriarchal Blessing a large righteous posterity if he knew I was not able to create sperm cells? Posterity for me must be something besides children of the body.

My wife and I have adopted two children and we are expecting our first grandchild in the spring. We almost had a grandchild when my daughter was in her teenage years. She miscarried before I was informed of its conception. Was this my posterity?

If we had not adopted children, who then would my large righteous posterity be? The nieces and nephew my wife and I found such joy in helping to raise?

Since my early teens, my greatest desire has been to lead my family to live more moral lives. They have led more moral lives and they are making better choices, are they then this large righteous posterity?

I often feel a tremendous sense of guilt, shame, and loss because I have not served in formal church leadership roles since the beginning of our marriage. I have wondered if the Lord trusts me to lead his formal church. I have discovered what a blessing this has been in my life and the life of those I serve. This has left me with time to lead those who will never see the inside of a church. I am loved and admire by this group. I have led many of them to live more moral lives. Are they then my posterity?

I developed a talent for poetry when my wife was dying of cancer.  If not for the cancer treatments I would never have attempted poetry.  Will the poetry be my legacy and posterity?

These all be partial answers to the question of posterity.

 

 

 

On God inviting Noah in to the Ark, that became a temple

 

God invited Noah into the Ark for protection. He creates arks today for us to dwell in for safety.  Our temples today may be one of those arks.  Genesis 7:1

I began attending church on Sunday when I was 12 years old. When I was fourteen, I felt a desire to gain a testimony. I found the Standard Works not interesting to read.  The standard works included The Bible, The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants, and The Pearl of Great Price. I love to study history.  I was given a copy of Joseph Smith History of The Church.  I read and journaled about what I was learning. 

With this scripture study, I gained a desire to live a better life. I gained a desire to live a more moral life.  My family was participating in some activities that were not morally correct.  I wanted to be an influence in helping them to live a more ethical and joyful life.

I love my family and do not want to shame or disgrace them.  I came to an understanding that God could set apart and dedicate places where he could dwell with his children. I wanted my bedroom to become a place like that in my parent's home.  I dedicated my bedroom to be a place of sanctuary like the temple in the center of our town—the temple built by grandfathers where God would dwell with his children.  

I think God invited me to create this temple and to dwell in this temple as he invited Noah into the Ark.  The Ark became a temple for his family and animals to dwell with God.

on his adoption of Milton, and the question of scripture

Can a book,
though it be revelation,
be considered scripture,.
If it be not adopted,
by a faith community.

Thus begins his love, and study, of Milton,
and his Paradise Lost, then Regained

Forever then trapped,
shall he remain,
in its stygian pool,
the remainder of his days.

Paradise Lost Book III

Thee I re-visit now with bolder wing,[13]
Escap't the Stygian Pool, though long detain'd
In that obscure sojourn, while in my flight [ 15 ]
Through utter and through middle darkness borne
With other notes then to th' Orphean Lyre
I sung of Chaos and Eternal Night,
Taught by the heav'nly Muse to venture down
The dark descent, and up to reascend, [ 20 ]
Though hard and rare: thee I revisit safe,
And feel thy sovran vital Lamp; but thou
Revisit'st not these eyes, that rowle in vain
To find thy piercing ray, and find no dawn;

John Milton had written, or more likely dictated to his daughter, as an old man who had lost his sight, his epic poems Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained.  As a young man, he loved Greek tales and fables. He saught to write an Epic, in the Greek Tradition, at first on the Arthurian Legends. 

As an older man who lost two wives in childbirth, and experienced a decade-long separation from his first wife he turns to the story of Adam and Even and the redemption of Christ as the subject of his epic poems. 

The Stygian pool refers to the river Styx the river in the Greek Under-World.  I have been captured by John Milton and desire to be immersed in his Stygian Pool and to learn of the true myth of Adam and Eve.

On Christ return and a Zion people

 Luke 1:16-17 “And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God, and he will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready for the Lord a people prepared.” (English Standard Version)

When Christ comes again, he will need a people primarily prepared to be self-governing. He will not return to impose his will but to guide those willing to follow to become Zion people.

I live with and care for my aged father in a house full of bad memories. Most of my memories of life in this house are memories of poverty and neglect.

I care for him not because it is in my best interests but because it is in his best interest.

From my bedroom window, I see a building built by my grandfathers, so my Eternal Parents will have a place to visit with me, so my Eternal Mother can hold me in her bosom.

From this building, my grandmothers knelt at alters and covenanted to be like our Eternal Mother and to guild their children to her presence.

I knelt at the same alters to make the same commitments to my wife and children.

Emmanuel: God is with us.

MercyMe - On My Way to You