On learning to trust doubt

On Learning to Trust in Doubt

I believe that doubt is an important part of our growth process and essential to learning about God.

I have been instructed since my youth to bear testimony of the certainty of the restoration.  That Joseph Smith was a prophet and that Gods prophet leads the church today. I myself have born this testimony many times from the pulpit.  I now find this level of certainty brings me no level of happiness or joy.

One of my favorite essays is A Christian by Yearning, by Levi S. Peterson. In the essay, Levi speaks of losing his testimony within weeks of arriving on his mission in France.  He loses it when he is confronted by the Christianity of a Jehovah's Witness.  He had been raised to believe that The Latter-Day Saint Church has a monopoly on truth.  He speaks of spending the remainder of his life trying to recover the certainty of that testimony and failing.

"Today I am a more or less active Mormon. I attend sacrament meeting regularly, I am a home teacher, I am a half-time instructor of my ward high priests’ group. I am uninterested in what I will call secondary theological questions such as the authenticity of the Book of Mormon, the prophetical character of Joseph Smith, and the doctrine of the three degrees of glory. I do not quarrel with those doctrines. If my fellow Mormons consider them important, I too will stand by them, and I will certainly not fail to give them an orthodox cast when I lead discussions in my high priests’ group. But in my private ruminations, I dwell instead upon the more primary matters of the fatherhood of God, the redemptive sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and the immortality of the human soul."   "If I differ from the typical Latter-day Saint, it is because my anxiety is focused not upon whether my immortal soul may suffer damnation but upon whether I have an immortal soul."

I began to feel this angst a number of years ago.  I have studied, and studied, and studied the Doctrines of the Church.  This study brought me no lasting peace and fulfillment.  I remember going out one night and cursing God in my unhappiness.  This certainty has brought me no personal sense of satisfaction.  I had a meeting with the Bishop and expressed my feelings.  He asks me to continue to attend church if only for the benefit of the members of the congregation.  They needed my fellowship.

There was a payphone that once stood in the Mojave Desert it. It was installed in the corner of a crossroad for the convenience of some miners who worked nearby.  In the days before cell phones, phone booths were an essential part of life.  The phone company continued to maintain the phone booth long after the mine closed.  With the invention of the Internet, the world soon learned the number to the phone.  As a prank people would call it just to hear it ring.  Visitors camped near the phone booth just to listen for the ring.  I often thought of this story as I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting.  These thoughts lead me to the creation of this poem.

(714) 733-9969

I lost it today, my religion.

Left long neglected, so long ago.

Like a sign, on a road to nowhere.

Like a phone booth, in middle the desert.

Do I call it, or does it call me?

When I call does it hear me?

Or does it ring, and ring and ring?

Still, I ask, is it the service, or is it me.

Steven Bassett

I am learning to live with uncertainty.  Do my children love me?  Where do I fit in the lives of my wife and children?  Is God really there and does he answer my prayers?  Have I lived the life God wanted me to live? Who are my large and righteous posterity? How do I hear his voice and follow his ways?

Levi Peterson's wife was a non-Mormon.  She asks him to raise their daughter in the LDS Church because his church was as good as any other maybe a little better.  She had the faith to believe The Doctrines of the Church would be beneficial to their daughter.  She was expressing a faith, if not a belief. 

Can I live with the uncertainty of my wife and children’s testimony of The Doctrines of the Church?  Can I overcome the guilt at not helping them to develop a stronger testimony of these doctrines?  Through our experiences helping their older brother to repent of some very serious sins, I have taught them well The Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They know how to repent. They know how to forgive and be forgiven.  I am most certain of this.  I see it in their eyes when I see their interactions with each other.

My children are adopted.  There is a good chance my adoption made their life possible.  When I see the pictures of my two children and their older brother laughing and having a good time, I know that I have made enough good choices to partially answer these questions. I have no certainty, but I have hope, for now, that is enough.  This uncertainty brings me great joy. 

When I listen to the talks in Sacrament Meeting for intent, not for quality, when I pet my children’s newborn kittens, when I listened to my Dad’s favorite joke for the fourth time yesterday, and three times today, when I am grateful for the life Heavenly Father has led me to create, I know these things are real life.   They bring real joy.

I will never be able to stop thinking about deep thoughts.  My brain is hard-wired to do it.  I can not stop it.  I also know these deep thoughts are not real life.  I am grateful for my wife and children and for them helping me to understand this truth and to live with uncertainty.

Eng 106G post

Steven Lynn Bassett
May 25, 2019 May 25 at 8:50pm
An Eternal Quest--
Freedom of the Mind
Hugh B. Brown

"Preserve, then, the freedom of your mind in education and in religion, and be unafraid to express your thoughts and to insist upon your right to examine every proposition. We are not so much concerned with whether your thoughts are orthodox or heterodox as we are that you shall have thoughts. One may memorize much without learning anything. In this age of speed, there seems to be little time for meditation. "

In “An Eternal Quest,” Elder Hugh B. Brown states that “More thinking is the antidote for evils that spring from wrong thinking.” What does Elder Brown mean by this?

This weeks reading brings me to the shame of my post from last weeks lesson. I so wanted to use a word to describe my favorite Christmas Carol, The Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams. The song is about two woman pagans in town, celebrating Solstice. In the song, it is inferred that they are lesbians. I was afraid to use this word, in this group, because I wondered how receptive my audience would be to my post if I used it. It is the power of the inference that makes the song special. If two lesbian pagans can choose to celebrate the Solstice with a group of Christian who are decorating a Christmas tree, can we not extend the hand of fellowship to our gay brothers and sisters in this church who are struggling to find a place to fit.

"Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday,"
"Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay."
"And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
"He watched his son hang candy canes all made with Red Dye No. 3.
"He told his niece, "Its Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style, "
"She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and it been awhile."

I have a gay nephew who struggled to find his way in the church. I finally had to help him to find a congregation that was a better fit. He was going mad trying to be a "good Mormon" knowing that he did not fit the standard model. I wish a way could have been found to help him feel comfortable in an LDS Congregation, at the time I could no see a way to do it, at least not in our local area.

I think Hugh B. Brown would have urged me to help him, find a way, to fit in an LDS congregation. With my then limited knowledge and the freshness of the idea to people in our area, I coped out and sought the easier solution. At least now Elder Browns writing has given me the courage to express how I really feel and to share my thoughts with you. I hope when you are confronted with the same choice you will learn from my experience and find a way to help your Gay, and Lesbian friends, and family to find a way to fit in an LDS Congregation.

Edited by Steven Lynn Bassett on May 25 at 8:52pm

Reply to Comment
Michael Gentry

Thursday May 30 at 1:41pm
Steven,

Thanks for sharing this.  It's deeply personal and has affected you enough to share your thoughts about it.  I appreciate that!

Your post made me consider our potential.  And by "our," I am talking about all people on earth.

C.S. Lewis talks about the fact that all of us have the potential to be Gods and Goddesses.  This alone should dictate and direct much of our critical thinking. 

Let me ask a few questions.  Do you consider the fact that you are a future God/Goddess?  Do you consider the fact that those around have the exact same potential?  How does this change how we treat others?  How does this change how we treat ourselves?

Bro. Gentry

Reply to Comment

Steven Lynn Bassett

Thursday May 30 at 5:39pm

  When I met with my Pathway Missionary couple before this year began,  I told them that my goal when I meet anyone was to ensure there life was better for having met me.  I told my wife when we were dating that I believed firmly in D.C. 121.  I would never drive her only to lead her. 

I know that Talmage, in Jesus the Christ, wrote that the water turned into wine when Christ requested because the elements knew it was in their best interest.  Christ did not force the water to become wine, it changed on his request because it honored him.  Yes, my long term goal is to live as God lives,  to do this I must have his character.  To paraphrase G.K. Chester  "What is wrong with the world. I am what is wrong with the world, my failure to be like Christ."

So to answer your question, when I meet one of my brother and sisters I need to see them as my Heavenly Father sees them, as gods in an embryo.  I must be a patient with myself as I am learning to be patient with others.

I am sorry if my post was too personal.  I tend to overshare when I get going.  I love to think and I love to write.  Most of my friends have learned to love this little quirk in my soul.

Thank You.

Edited by Steven Lynn Bassett on May 30 at 5:42pm

 Reply to Comment

Michael Gentry
Yesterday May 31 at 9:38am
Steven,

I love this post.  Thanks for the intimate details and thoughts.  They are perfect.

That goal, to make everyone you meet better, is so awesome.  When I drop my kids off at school, I always tell them to brighten somebody's day.  You are taking this a step further--changing lives.

You are very articulate, and you are obviously well read and intelligent.  Put those things together and it makes for a great writer.

Keep up the good work.

Bro. G

On Thinking and Heterodoxy

An Eternal Quest--
Freedom of the Mind
Hugh B. Brown

"Preserve, then, the freedom of your mind in education and in religion, and be unafraid to express your thoughts and to insist upon your right to examine every proposition. We are not so much concerned with whether your thoughts are orthodox or heterodox as we are that you shall have thoughts. One may memorize much without learning anything. In this age of speed, there seems to be little time for meditation. "

In “An Eternal Quest,” Elder Hugh B. Brown states that “More thinking is the antidote for evils that spring from wrong thinking.” What does Elder Brown mean by this?

This weeks reading brings me to the shame of my post from last weeks lesson. I so wanted to use a word to describe my favorite Christmas Carol, The Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams. The song is about two woman pagans in town, celebrating Solstice. In the song, it is inferred that they are lesbians. I was afraid to use this word, in this group, because I wondered how receptive my audience would be to my post if I used it. It is the power of the inference that makes the song special. If two lesbian pagans can choose to celebrate the Solstice with a group of Christian who are decorating a Christmas tree, can we not extend the hand of fellowship to our gay brothers and sisters in this church who are struggling to find a place to fit.

"Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay.
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with Red Dye No. 3.
He told his niece, "Its Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style,
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile."

I have a gay nephew who struggled to find his way in the church. I finally had to help him to find a congregation that was a better fit. He was going mad trying to be a "good Mormon" knowing that he did not fit the standard model. I wish a way could have been found to help him feel comfortable in an LDS Congregation, at the time I could no see a way to do it, at least not in our local area.

I think Hugh B. Brown would have urged me to help him, find a way, to fit in an LDS congregation. With my then limited knowledge and the freshness of the idea to people in our area, I coped out and sought the easier solution. At least now Elder Browns writing has given me the courage to express how I really feel and to share my thoughts with you. I hope when you are confronted with the same choice you will learn from my experience and find a way to help your Gay, and Lesbian friends, and family to find a way to fit in an LDS Congregation.

On the Power of Doubt

My Belief in Doubt

I believe that doubt is an important part of our growth process and essential to learning more about God.

I have been instructed since my youth to bear testimony of the certainty of the restoration.  That Joseph Smith was a prophet and that Gods prophet leads the church today. I myself have born this testimony many times from the pulpit.  I now find this level of certainty brings me no level of happiness or joy.

One of my favorite essays is A Christian by Yearning, by Levi S. Peterson. In the essay, Levi speaks of losing his testimony within weeks of arriving on his mission in France.  He loses it when he is confronted by the Christianity of a Jehovah's Witness.  He had been raised to believe that Latter-Day Saint church has a monopoly on truth.  He speaks of spending the remainder of his life trying to recover the certainty of that testimony and failing.

"Today I am a more or less active Mormon. I attend sacrament meeting regularly, I am a home teacher, I am a half-time instructor of my ward high priests’ group. I am uninterested in what I will call secondary theological questions such as the authenticity of the Book of Mormon, the prophetical character of Joseph Smith, and the doctrine of the three degrees of glory. I do not quarrel with those doctrines. If my fellow Mormons consider them important, I too will stand by them, and I will certainly not fail to give them an orthodox cast when I lead discussions in my high priests’ group. But in my private ruminations, I dwell instead upon the more primary matters of the fatherhood of God, the redemptive sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and the immortality of the human soul."   "If I differ from the typical Latter-day Saint, it is because my anxiety is focused not upon whether my immortal soul may suffer damnation but upon whether I have an immortal soul."

I began to feel this angst a number of years ago.  I have studied, and studied, and studied the Doctrines of the Church.  This study brought me no lasting peace and fulfillment.  I remember going out one night and cursing God in my unhappiness.  This certainly has brought me no personal sense of satisfaction.  I had a meeting with the Bishop and expressed my feelings.  He asks me to continue to attend church if only because of the members of the congregation.  They needed my fellowship.

(714) 733-9969

I lost it today, my religion.

Left long neglected, so long ago.

like a sign, on a road, to nowhere.

like a phone booth, in the desert.

Do I call it, or does it call me?

When I call does it hear me?

Or does it ring, and ring and ring?

Still, I ask, is it the service, or is it me.

Steven Bassett

This the phone number for a pay phone that once stood,

in the crossroads, in the middle of The Mojave Desert.

I am learning to live with uncertainty.  Do my children love me?  Where do I fit in the lives of my wife and children?  Is God really there and does he answer my prayers?  Have I lived the life God wanted me to live? Who are my large and righteous posterity? How do I hear his voice and follow his ways?

Levi Peterson's wife was a non-Mormon.  She asks him to raise their daughter in the LDS Church because his church was as good as any other maybe a little better.  She had the faith to believe The Doctrines of the Church would be beneficial to their daughter.  She was expressing a faith, if not a belief. 

Can I live with the uncertainty of my wife and children’s testimony of The Doctrines of the Church?  Can I overcome the guilt at not helping them to develop a stronger testimony of these doctrines?  Through our experiences helping their older brother to repent of some very serious sins, I have taught them well The Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They know how to repent. They know how to forgive and be forgiven.  I am most certain of this.  I see it in their eyes when I see their interactions with each other.

My children are adopted.  There is a good chance my adoption made their life possible.  When I see the pictures of my two children and their older brother laughing and having a good time, I know that I have made enough good choices to partially answer these questions. I have no certainty, but I have hope, for now, that is enough.  This uncertainty brings me great joy.