to then my other Mom

You then are the one,
the one I reach back for,
for then the earliest memories.

For the love, and the warmth,
and the need to be loved,

I have no visible memories of these moments,
only shadows of our time together.

You moved away before I was three,
yet still I share the shadows, of the memories.

It is these memories, that make possible,
my love and attachment, to my wife and children.

My first mom was young,
growing still, herself.

Dad was a challenge,
growing still himself.

With dad and my brother, mom had her hands full.
So you stepped up and carried the plate,
for the first three years,
because that is what sisters do.

Then your own life you needed to start.
this now I have come to understand.

But the shadows of the memories,
gave me a place to start,
a base to learn to love.

Through the years,
I tried to get you to see,
that I was your first child.

Mom loved you too.
She had been happy to share her family,
over the years.

Mom having been born,
a year and a half, before, your birth.
Yet you were twins, sharing the same soul.

Thus then, in the end,
you mourned your unborn child,
never seeing the many you raised.

I too have mourned my unborn child,
but I have loved the others.

This then, my daughter's oldest brother.
My wife could have been a single mom
when first we met.

Having been offered this child, by the handmaiden.
He was then offered to another family, to be their joy.

Then came the one who could have been my first son,
but grandpa loved him first.

But then the handmaiden offered us,
our first child, and what a joy she was.

Then 8 years later the second joy.
This then the gift, that filled the hole,
that was not there.

So now both of you are gone,
my first and second moms.

Still, I carry the memories, of you both.
The base of love, built by the second,
and the dance of love with the first.

This then, I use to build a place of love,
for my children, born and unborn.

This then a Father tobe

This then a father, tobe,
This then a desire, then a hope.

To the one who then,
the children then had

Many she then discarded,
this then an inconvenience.

He then desires one of the inconveniences.
To convince her then to maintain,
and to share, the next inconvenience,
this then was his task.

This then the conspiracy, he shared with,
the other portion, of his soul.

He had joined this portion of his soul,
in holy matrimony.

This, when she knew no offspring,
would she have, maybe?
Before they knew or could suspect,
his sterility.

Now then how to conspire to obtain,
one of the inconveniences?
This then was their shared, task.

Thus they did then obtain, an inconvenience.
To create a story, this then was their next task.

To hide the truth, from the inconvenience.
For to love the handmaiden then,
must be the desire of the inconvenience.

This then was his task.
to teach the children,
to love the handmaiden,
and her choice.

This then is his lifetime goal.

the one who almost was

Thus then, the one who almost was ...

Children I then do have, thus now ...

Thus then to have a grandchild, too.

Years ago one almost was born

This one lost before it became ...

How I would have loved,
to help  raise this child.

Young my child was then

as my mom was once too.

When born was I.

Maybe someday, another will come.

For now it is enough, children to have.

Yet someday.grandchildren tobe.