Steven Bassett
Bro. Gentry
Eng 106
18 July 2019
My
Own Gethsemane
Is
the pain less real for the loss of a possibility? I asked myself this one day at work. It began simply enough with a request from
my wife as she escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom; it
was now ours. “Help me make a baby,"
she had said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle
nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request. She will remain the last.
We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together. The
one thing my wife requested when we were courting was a small yard and a place
to plant flowers. One night I learned,
after coming home, we were expecting twins. This news brought such joy, it
seemed to complete our marriage. This
reminded me of the first flower I gave her. She kissed me that night. This was
my first kiss, except a goodnight kiss to momma and daddie. A few days after I learned of the babies, she
requested a priesthood blessing; the babies were dying. The marriage that began with some flowers
and a kiss soon turned to such depth of despair.
When
no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I take a fertility test. No reason was found for my infertility; my
body had simply never created a sperm cell. If my body had never created a
sperm cell, how did we experience the first miscarriage? In my Patriarchal Blessing, God promised me a
large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I felt was real
even when the babies were not.
The
Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. Before he came to Earth, his
daddy taught him about pain, sorrow, and loss. Until the garden, he has not
experienced pain, sorrow, and loss. My
momma taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana Allen. He was born before he was ready to thrive.
Until this experience, I had been taught but had not experienced the pain from
the loss of a child. This is an experience my mom and I share, like the one
Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.
When
I meet someone who has lost a child, I recall this experience. I spent years mourning the loss of my unborn
children, even if these children were only a possibility. I understand how Christ carried my burden in
The Garden of Gethsemane. I understand how He took up my pain and suffering and
lifted the burden off my shoulders. I hope then to carry for a while the burden
of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our children.
With
time, a handmaiden would provide us with two children. I know how it feels to
lose a child. I know how it feels to gain a child. I have a hope in Christ that
he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second. My children are both a real joy and a
blessing. These children have diminished
but not removed the pain from the loss of the first two children.
My
children are mostly grown now. My
daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her
husband. They have replaced their unborn
children with their family pets. I
understand their loss; I feel their pain.
I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.
