Steven Bassett
COMM 150
November 11, 2019
My Most Important Relationships
Angie Miller
My Most Important
Personal Relationships
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The Godhead
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Father
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Son
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Holy ghost
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My wife
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My children
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Ashley
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Nicholas
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Bryce
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My Parents
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Father
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Mother
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My Faith Communities
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The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
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Greater Christianity
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Non-Christians
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Atheist – Agnostics
The Godhead
God the Father
In his debut novel, The Shack, William P. Young tells the
story of Mackenzie Allen Phillips. Mack
is invited by Papa, his wife’s name for God, to spend the weekend with her in
the Shack. The shack is the place, where
a year ago, his young daughter was used as a man's play toy and then
murdered. Mack has spent the last year
in a place of anger and shame. His
relationships with his remaining daughter and son are strained. He learns his daughter still blames herself
for distracting her father and allowing Missy to be taken. The family is stuck with no way to go
forward.
Papa is Nan’s, his wife, name for God. When he arrives at the shack it is transformed
into a beautiful cabin by a lakeside. He
is introduced to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The Father appears in the form of an elderly
Negro lady. She prefers to call herself Elousia. She comes in the female form because she
fears Mac will reject her if she appears as a man.
At first, Mac is very angry and defensive. He is angry that
God was not there for Missy and that she was not there for her son Jesus while
he hung on the cross. There is a scene where Mac and Papa are needing bread in
the Kitchen and Papa shows him the scares she received while her son hung on
the cross.
For many years my own relationship with my mother was
strained. This image of Papa reminds me
of my Mom when I began to see her as she truly was today and not the woman
she was when I was younger. I have
learned not to allow the “Noise” of our relationships to interfere with those
relationships.
God the Son
I love this image by Brian
Kershisnik. It is from his series, Jesus
and the Angry Babies. You see babies
squirming on Jesus' lap as he seeks to comfort them. Some of them are trying to crawl off. One is cuddling in the background. One is angry and scowling at Jesus
I am not sure which of these babies is me.
I sometimes feel like one of these babies, both wanting to
be cuddled by and climb off of the lap of Jesus.
It reminds me of one of my favorite songs, Casting Crown
“Just be held”.
In our relationships, it is not just about what I get out of
it or what you get out of it, but how we both become enriched through the
relationship. Don’t let the “Vultures” in to interfere with the relationship.
The Holy Spirit
In this scene from
The Shack we see the Holy Spirit, called Sarayu, watering the Garden with Mac’s
tears. The Garden represents Mac and his
mind and spirit.
It is in this garden that they bury Missy’s recovered body,
in a coffin that God the Son built for her.
We see that God the Father can now appear to Mac in his male
form. Their relationship is
healed. Sarayu’s place in the Godhead is
to confirm the relationship. I am never certain of my relationship to the Holy
Spirit. I know that he does confirm the truth and relationship.
In this scene we see them burying Missy, in Mac’s Garden.
We heal our relationships by listening to the other. This then is the transactional model of
relationship.
My Wife
This is a
photo of Bonnie and me at our wedding reception.
I told her I was not going to wear a suit or stand in any kind of reception
line. I purchased a new set of bib
overalls and wore my best white shirt. Today I wear dress Levi’s to church. I started
writing poetry as a way to comfort myself when I learn she had stage 4 stomach
cancer.
It seems like, my wife and I, are like two great stars, as we each growing brighter, the orbit between us grows wider and wider. I live with my father now fulltime. I am his caregiver. My wife has offered my father this gift, in his twilight years. My wife has known my father longer then she has known me. They were working together at the hospital when dad convinced me to ask her out on a date. She has told me many times that she promised she would never marry one of his sons. I am not sure why she agreed to go out with me that first time. Our first date was at a swimming party and she is afraid of water. She has stood by me for 30 years now. I am certain of her love for me and our children. I am learned to let her become, as she lets me become as I improve in “The listening process”.
It seems like, my wife and I, are like two great stars, as we each growing brighter, the orbit between us grows wider and wider. I live with my father now fulltime. I am his caregiver. My wife has offered my father this gift, in his twilight years. My wife has known my father longer then she has known me. They were working together at the hospital when dad convinced me to ask her out on a date. She has told me many times that she promised she would never marry one of his sons. I am not sure why she agreed to go out with me that first time. Our first date was at a swimming party and she is afraid of water. She has stood by me for 30 years now. I am certain of her love for me and our children. I am learned to let her become, as she lets me become as I improve in “The listening process”.
On the Loss of Possibility
Is the pain any less, for the loss of a possibility?
I ask myself this question, one day at work.
Help me make a baby she had said,
On the first time, on that second night.
It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear.
It was good that first night, and the many to follow.
In a matter of weeks, they were in that first home.
The first one they purchased, together.
He came home one evening, twins she said, coming soon.
Then one night the home teacher they called.
A blessing she wanted, to keep the babies.
Then the loss of those two possibilities.
Still together they worked, on creating the babies.
In time they learned of the loss of the possibility.
He had been born sterile, no babies would he ever produce.
Still, the pain he remembered, from the loss
of the first two possibilities.
He would keep the memory of the pain, of the loss.
He would recall it when he needed to understand the loss of
the others,
and their possibilities.
With time the handmaiden would provide the babies.
He would teach his children to honor the handmaiden,
as he and his wife raised their new possibilities.
Still, he carried with him, the pain of the loss, of those
first two, possibilities.
Alan Jackson “Remember When”
The Children
I was lucky to adopt two beautiful children, on the left is Nicholas, on the right is Ashley, between them, is there older brother, Cody, who was raised by his grandmother. They were created for us by a woman we love and adore. She is my wife’s younger sister. When she learned my wife and I could not have children she created two for us. They were not mistakes and they were always loved, and wanted, by their Birth Mother.
This is taken at my daughter’s wedding. On the right is my final son Bryce. Our relationship was tense at first. We are both mellowing with age. I always referred to him as my son though at first, this made him very angry.
I have learned from them the role of “Attention to Listening” is in a relationship. I was so angry in this photo. My wife was still terminal and life was not worth living. I was uncertain what my relationship with my children would be like after she died. That morning I nearly took my own life. I am glad I didn’t. I would have lost all of the joy I feel today.
I have learned from them the role of “Attention to Listening” is in a relationship. I was so angry in this photo. My wife was still terminal and life was not worth living. I was uncertain what my relationship with my children would be like after she died. That morning I nearly took my own life. I am glad I didn’t. I would have lost all of the joy I feel today.
The Gardener and the Cure
It is growing
now, in the garage.
The Gardner
brought the solution,
he tells you to
believe.
You have no faith
in the cure,
but the peace it may
bring.
This herb, this
evil then, they tell you.
This gateway to
Hell.
But you live in
Hell, now.
To risk it all,
now you do.
For the life of
the loved one,
you do adore.
So many fights,
through the years,
with each other,
to gain the children.
The Gardner will
be a 3rd child soon,
with the marriage
of your daughter.
For
now, there is hope growing in the garden, and peace, in my soul
My Parents
Mom
In many ways
my relationship with my mother is the most complex one. I was so angry with her for so very
long. I was angry for her not being who
I needed when I was younger. Her father
was an alcoholic. He only showed
affection when he was drunk. My mother
rarely held or cuddled me. She was so
young when I was born and Carl and my father were such a handful. I was raised by my Aunt Nancy until I was three
and she moved away to Bountiful Utah. My Mom and Aunt Nancy were so similar,
yet so different.
As I grew older, I began to see the
“Perception Filter” I had placed around our relationship. Just before she died, I had that final
conversation with my mother when I truly said I finally understood her and I
truly forgave her for not being what I needed in those first few years.
She closed her heart
Luv her, a choice, not a feeling.
She closed her heart.
Like the lady, that swallowed that fly,
I know not why.
I reached for her, their, as a boy.
There, on the bench, in the car, she
beside me.
Cuddled, under her arm, like the puppet,
beside me.
She, purchased the puppet, at the pink
lady’s shop.
We had gone to the hospital, to discover,
why I wet the bed.
She was damaged goods, as was I.
When life gets tough, it hardens you.
You grow a shell, thicker with the
growing years.
I wet the bed, this because, distant
then, began I to feel ...
Not luved, not wanted, cast aside, This,
I had thought.
Forty more years, we spent, in this
cuddle, or embrace.
I would reach out, only to be pushed away.
In the end, she reached out, to dance.
only to be brushed away, almost.
Still, once more, we danced and beautiful,
it was,
The Dance, Garth Brooks
My Father
I live with
my father fulltime now. I work, go to
school and care for him. My wife offered
me this choice because she has learned to love my father. I could sell his home and move him to
Franklin but his life is here and there is no room for us there. There my wife and children’s lives are so
full. I often feel like I am not needed
there, but I am very much needed here. I made the choice to attend church with
my father now. Try explaining to a new
Bishop why a happily married man would choose to live with his Father and not
his wife. When I pray and speak to my wife,
I know that we are making the right choices now.
My Father and
I share a simple, wedding band. It is a
simple sterling wedding band, most likely purchased at a pawn shop. It was discarded by another when its value in
cash exceeded its value in sentiment. He
wore it daily as a reminder of the covenant they shared. It was not the first band, that band stayed
behind in the jewelry box. It was too
valuable and easily damaged. The first
would not endure long, in the room where he washed clothes to feed their
growing family.
The ring we share
She is gone now,
yet they are one.
This we share, now.
The three of us.
A covenant,
a promise,
a ring.
Once it was shared,
by two, then came two more,
and the temple ceremony,
then two more,
Dad gave me the ring,
years ago.
Now four more are bound,
by the ring, the promise,
and the covenant.
My father gave me his second wedding band, which I now wear.
I have three siblings and two children
.
The final relationships I have are with my faith
communities. As you can see from the beginning of this essay. My relationship with my God and the Godhead is
central to my life. My Relationship to The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-Saints is changing and evolving.
I have a temple recommend for the first time in decades, yet I no longer
feel its central draw to my life. Like a
great Venn Diagram, I am expanding my faith community to include all of his
children.
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My Faith Communities
Ø
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
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Greater Christianity
Ø
Non-Christians
Ø
Atheist – Agnostics
I have for decades searched out the non-Mormon and
non-Christian prophets. My favorite one now,
and I suspect will always be, is John Milton.
In his great works, Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained, you learn of
the fall of Adam and Eve, the battle in the pre-Earth life and of the forty
days Jesus spent in the wilderness. I
admire the Christian Bishops who served their congregations, and their wife’s
in the time between the death of the prophets and the rebirth of Christianity
in the late middle ages. I refuse to
call them dark ages because there was great light during this period even if
there was great persecution.
Revelations 12
5 And she brought forth a man
child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught
up unto God, and to his throne.
6 And the woman fled into the
wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that they should feed her
there a thousand two hundred and threescore days.
Terryl Givens speaks in many of his books and lectures on
how at the death of the apostle, the church, like the woman, in the scripture
quoted above, was carried into the wilderness where she was sheltered and fed
by his poets and writers.
"I have heard some people say, — If God revealed himself to men in other days, why not reveal himself to us?” I say, why not to us? ... There were men who could gaze upon the face of God, have the ministering of angels, and unfold the future destinies worldwide. If those were dark ages, I pray God to give me a little darkness and deliver me from the light and intelligence that prevail in our day” (Taylor).
Maybe I can leave you one last link to an essay I wrote for my English class last year.
“This I Believe”
"I have heard some people say, — If God revealed himself to men in other days, why not reveal himself to us?” I say, why not to us? ... There were men who could gaze upon the face of God, have the ministering of angels, and unfold the future destinies worldwide. If those were dark ages, I pray God to give me a little darkness and deliver me from the light and intelligence that prevail in our day” (Taylor).
"I have heard some people say, — If God revealed
himself to men in other days, why not reveal himself to us?” I say, why not to
us? ...
There were men who could gaze upon the face of God, have the ministering
of angels, and unfold the future destinies worldwide. If those were dark ages,
I pray God to give me a little darkness and deliver me from the light and
intelligence that prevail in our day” (Taylor).
1 Peter 4:6
For for this cause was the gospel
preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men
in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.
This scripture has often puzzled me? How do men live like God in the spirit and
yet be judged like men in the flesh? I
have sought to generalize salvation using the doctrines first shared by Joseph
Smith. When you combine The Light of
Christ with The Atonement of Christ and temple ordinances it became possible to
save all men who seek to be saved and who develop a Christ-like soul though
they never learn the name of Christ or his teachings in this life.
I am learning to enjoy this class. I am learning to enjoy my relationships with
those around me. I have felt real joy,
this past year, for the first time in years.
It is interesting how much stronger my relationship is with my wife now
we no longer live in the same house.
Maybe I have stopped taking her for granted. Maybe I am just working harder at our
relationship because our lives are so separate right now. I often wonder if it is the right thing to do
with my life. My wife says it is not
forever. In the eternal scheme of
things, this next decade will be a short period of time and our relationship
will grow much stronger.
I guess I am learning that life is good and that life is
worth living. That I should enjoy every
day for I know not how many days I have left.
Maybe I can leave you one last link to an essay I wrote for
my English class last year.
“This I Believe”
Maybe I can leave you one last link to an essay I wrote for my English class last year.
“This I Believe”
References.
Young, William
P. The Shack. Hodder Windblown, 2017.
Casting Crowns,
“Just be Held”, Thrive, 2014
Givens, Terryl,
and Fiona Givens. “The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life.” Amazon, Ensign Peak, 2012, https://www.amazon.com/God-Who-Weeps-Mormonism-Makes/dp/1609071883.
“The Knowledge
of God and Mode of Worshiping Him John Taylor.” John Taylor: The Knowledge of
God, Etc (Journal of Discourses), journalofdiscourses.com/16/26.
