Wednesday, November 13, 2019

On Relationship an essay for COMM 150 BYUI


Steven Bassett
COMM 150
November 11, 2019






My Most Important Relationships











Angie Miller
My Most Important Personal Relationships

¨       The Godhead
Ø  Father
Ø  Son
Ø  Holy ghost
¨       My wife
¨       My children
Ø  Ashley
Ø  Nicholas
Ø  Bryce
¨       My Parents
Ø  Father
Ø  Mother
¨       My Faith Communities
Ø  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
Ø  Greater Christianity
Ø  Non-Christians
Ø  Atheist – Agnostics









The Godhead

            God the Father



In his debut novel, The Shack, William P. Young tells the story of Mackenzie Allen Phillips.  Mack is invited by Papa, his wife’s name for God, to spend the weekend with her in the Shack.  The shack is the place, where a year ago, his young daughter was used as a man's play toy and then murdered.  Mack has spent the last year in a place of anger and shame.  His relationships with his remaining daughter and son are strained.  He learns his daughter still blames herself for distracting her father and allowing Missy to be taken.  The family is stuck with no way to go forward.
Papa is Nan’s, his wife, name for God.  When he arrives at the shack it is transformed into a beautiful cabin by a lakeside.  He is introduced to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  The Father appears in the form of an elderly Negro lady.  She prefers to call herself Elousia.  She comes in the female form because she fears Mac will reject her if she appears as a man. 

At first, Mac is very angry and defensive. He is angry that God was not there for Missy and that she was not there for her son Jesus while he hung on the cross. There is a scene where Mac and Papa are needing bread in the Kitchen and Papa shows him the scares she received while her son hung on the cross.


For many years my own relationship with my mother was strained.  This image of Papa reminds me of my Mom when I began to see her as she truly was today and not the woman she was when I was younger.  I have learned not to allow the “Noise” of our relationships to interfere with those relationships.

               

God the Son


I love this image by Brian Kershisnik.  It is from his series, Jesus and the Angry Babies.  You see babies squirming on Jesus' lap as he seeks to comfort them.  Some of them are trying to crawl off.  One is cuddling in the background.  One is angry and scowling at Jesus
I am not sure which of these babies is me.
I sometimes feel like one of these babies, both wanting to be cuddled by and climb off of the lap of Jesus.
It reminds me of one of my favorite songs, Casting Crown “Just be held”.

In our relationships, it is not just about what I get out of it or what you get out of it, but how we both become enriched through the relationship. Don’t let the “Vultures” in to interfere with the relationship.
  




The Holy Spirit

In this scene from The Shack we see the Holy Spirit, called Sarayu, watering the Garden with Mac’s tears.  The Garden represents Mac and his mind and spirit. 
It is in this garden that they bury Missy’s recovered body, in a coffin that God the Son built for her.
We see that God the Father can now appear to Mac in his male form.   Their relationship is healed.  Sarayu’s place in the Godhead is to confirm the relationship. I am never certain of my relationship to the Holy Spirit.  I know that he does confirm the truth and relationship.
In this scene we see them burying Missy, in Mac’s Garden.

We heal our relationships by listening to the other.  This then is the transactional model of relationship.


  

My Wife

This is a photo of Bonnie and me at our wedding reception.  I told her I was not going to wear a suit or stand in any kind of reception line.  I purchased a new set of bib overalls and wore my best white shirt. Today I wear dress Levi’s to church. I started writing poetry as a way to comfort myself when I learn she had stage 4 stomach cancer.
It seems like, my wife and I, are like two great stars, as we each growing brighter, the orbit between us grows wider and wider.  I live with my father now fulltime.  I am his caregiver.  My wife has offered my father this gift, in his twilight years.  My wife has known my father longer then she has known me.  They were working together at the hospital when dad convinced me to ask her out on a date.  She has told me many times that she promised she would never marry one of his sons. I am not sure why she agreed to go out with me that first time. Our first date was at a swimming party and she is afraid of water. She has stood by me for 30 years now.  I am certain of her love for me and our children.  I am learned to let her become, as she lets me become as I improve in “The listening process”.


On the Loss of Possibility
Is the pain any less, for the loss of a possibility?
I ask myself this question, one day at work.

Help me make a baby she had said,
On the first time, on that second night.
It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear.
It was good that first night, and the many to follow.
In a matter of weeks, they were in that first home.
The first one they purchased, together.
He came home one evening, twins she said, coming soon.
Then one night the home teacher they called.
A blessing she wanted, to keep the babies.
Then the loss of those two possibilities.
Still together they worked, on creating the babies.
In time they learned of the loss of the possibility.
He had been born sterile, no babies would he ever produce.
Still, the pain he remembered, from the loss
of the first two possibilities.
He would keep the memory of the pain, of the loss.
He would recall it when he needed to understand the loss of the others,
and their possibilities.
With time the handmaiden would provide the babies.
He would teach his children to honor the handmaiden,
as he and his wife raised their new possibilities.
Still, he carried with him, the pain of the loss, of those first two, possibilities.

Alan Jackson “Remember When”



The Children  



I was lucky to adopt two beautiful children, on the left is Nicholas, on the right is Ashley, between them, is there older brother, Cody, who was raised by his grandmother. They were created for us by a woman we love and adore.  She is my wife’s younger sister.  When she learned my wife and I could not have children she created two for us.  They were not mistakes and they were always loved, and wanted, by their Birth Mother.










This is taken at my daughter’s wedding.  On the right is my final son Bryce.  Our relationship was tense at first.  We are both mellowing with age.  I always referred to him as my son though at first, this made him very angry.

I have learned from them the role of “Attention to Listening” is in a relationship. I was so angry in this photo.  My wife was still terminal and life was not worth living.  I was uncertain what my relationship with my children would be like after she died. That morning I nearly took my own life.  I am glad I didn’t. I would have lost all of the joy I feel today.


The Gardener and the Cure

It is growing now, in the garage.
The Gardner brought the solution,
he tells you to believe.

You have no faith in the cure,
but the peace it may bring.

This herb, this evil then, they tell you.
This gateway to Hell.

But you live in Hell, now.
To risk it all, now you do.
For the life of the loved one,
you do adore.

So many fights, through the years,
with each other, to gain the children.

The Gardner will be a 3rd child soon,
with the marriage of your daughter.

For now, there is hope growing in the garden, and peace, in my soul

My Parents

            Mom

In many ways my relationship with my mother is the most complex one.  I was so angry with her for so very long.  I was angry for her not being who I needed when I was younger.  Her father was an alcoholic.   He only showed affection when he was drunk.  My mother rarely held or cuddled me.  She was so young when I was born and Carl and my father were such a handful.  I was raised by my Aunt Nancy until I was three and she moved away to Bountiful Utah. My Mom and Aunt Nancy were so similar, yet so different.
As I grew older, I began to see the “Perception Filter” I had placed around our relationship.  Just before she died, I had that final conversation with my mother when I truly said I finally understood her and I truly forgave her for not being what I needed in those first few years.




 

She closed her heart

Luv her, a choice, not a feeling.

She closed her heart.
Like the lady, that swallowed that fly,
I know not why.

I reached for her, their, as a boy.
There, on the bench, in the car, she beside me.
Cuddled, under her arm, like the puppet, beside me.

She, purchased the puppet, at the pink lady’s shop.
We had gone to the hospital, to discover, why I wet the bed.

She was damaged goods, as was I.
When life gets tough, it hardens you.
You grow a shell, thicker with the growing years.

I wet the bed, this because, distant then, began I to feel ...
Not luved, not wanted, cast aside, This, I had thought.

Forty more years, we spent, in this cuddle, or embrace.
I would reach out, only to be pushed away.
In the end, she reached out, to dance.
only to be brushed away, almost.

Still, once more, we danced and beautiful, it was,

The Dance, Garth Brooks






                        My Father

I live with my father fulltime now.  I work, go to school and care for him.  My wife offered me this choice because she has learned to love my father.  I could sell his home and move him to Franklin but his life is here and there is no room for us there.  There my wife and children’s lives are so full.  I often feel like I am not needed there, but I am very much needed here. I made the choice to attend church with my father now.  Try explaining to a new Bishop why a happily married man would choose to live with his Father and not his wife.  When I pray and speak to my wife, I know that we are making the right choices now.
My Father and I share a simple, wedding band.  It is a simple sterling wedding band, most likely purchased at a pawn shop.  It was discarded by another when its value in cash exceeded its value in sentiment.  He wore it daily as a reminder of the covenant they shared.  It was not the first band, that band stayed behind in the jewelry box.  It was too valuable and easily damaged.  The first would not endure long, in the room where he washed clothes to feed their growing family.

The ring we share

She is gone now,
yet they are one.

This we share, now.
The three of us.

A covenant,
a promise,
a ring.

Once it was shared,
by two, then came two more,
and the temple ceremony,

then two more,

Dad gave me the ring,
years ago.

Now four more are bound,
by the ring, the promise,
and the covenant.

My father gave me his second wedding band, which I now wear.
I have three siblings and two children


.








The final relationships I have are with my faith communities. As you can see from the beginning of this essay.  My relationship with my God and the Godhead is central to my life. My Relationship to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Saints is changing and evolving.  I have a temple recommend for the first time in decades, yet I no longer feel its central draw to my life.  Like a great Venn Diagram, I am expanding my faith community to include all of his children. 

¨       My Faith Communities
Ø  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
Ø  Greater Christianity
Ø  Non-Christians
Ø  Atheist – Agnostics

I have for decades searched out the non-Mormon and non-Christian prophets.  My favorite one now, and I suspect will always be, is John Milton.  In his great works, Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained, you learn of the fall of Adam and Eve, the battle in the pre-Earth life and of the forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness.  I admire the Christian Bishops who served their congregations, and their wife’s in the time between the death of the prophets and the rebirth of Christianity in the late middle ages.  I refuse to call them dark ages because there was great light during this period even if there was great persecution.

Revelations 12
5 And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and to his throne.
6 And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days.

Terryl Givens speaks in many of his books and lectures on how at the death of the apostle, the church, like the woman, in the scripture quoted above, was carried into the wilderness where she was sheltered and fed by his poets and writers.


"I have heard some people say, — If God revealed himself to men in other days, why not reveal himself to us?” I say, why not to us?  ...  There were men who could gaze upon the face of God, have the ministering of angels, and unfold the future destinies worldwide. If those were dark ages, I pray God to give me a little darkness and deliver me from the light and intelligence that prevail in our day” (Taylor).




"I have heard some people say, — If God revealed himself to men in other days, why not reveal himself to us?” I say, why not to us?  ...  There were men who could gaze upon the face of God, have the ministering of angels, and unfold the future destinies worldwide. If those were dark ages, I pray God to give me a little darkness and deliver me from the light and intelligence that prevail in our day” (Taylor).



1 Peter 4:6

For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.



This scripture has often puzzled me?  How do men live like God in the spirit and yet be judged like men in the flesh?  I have sought to generalize salvation using the doctrines first shared by Joseph Smith.  When you combine The Light of Christ with The Atonement of Christ and temple ordinances it became possible to save all men who seek to be saved and who develop a Christ-like soul though they never learn the name of Christ or his teachings in this life.

I am learning to enjoy this class.  I am learning to enjoy my relationships with those around me.  I have felt real joy, this past year, for the first time in years.  It is interesting how much stronger my relationship is with my wife now we no longer live in the same house.  Maybe I have stopped taking her for granted.  Maybe I am just working harder at our relationship because our lives are so separate right now.  I often wonder if it is the right thing to do with my life.  My wife says it is not forever.  In the eternal scheme of things, this next decade will be a short period of time and our relationship will grow much stronger.



I guess I am learning that life is good and that life is worth living.  That I should enjoy every day for I know not how many days I have left.



Maybe I can leave you one last link to an essay I wrote for my English class last year.


“This I Believe”



Maybe I can leave you one last link to an essay I wrote for my English class last year.

“This I Believe”





References.
Young, William P. The Shack. Hodder Windblown, 2017.
Casting Crowns, “Just be Held”, Thrive, 2014
Givens, Terryl, and Fiona Givens. “The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life.” Amazon, Ensign Peak, 2012, https://www.amazon.com/God-Who-Weeps-Mormonism-Makes/dp/1609071883.

“The Knowledge of God and Mode of Worshiping Him John Taylor.” John Taylor: The Knowledge of God, Etc (Journal of Discourses), journalofdiscourses.com/16/26.


Monday, November 4, 2019

on suicide

Why choose to leave, this life.

Is it the heartache, the pain?
This cannot be a rational choice.

I nearly one made this choice.
In a moment of deep pain and rejection.

The kitchen table, a serrated steak knife,
and a bowl full of tears.

So grateful I was, no firearms, I owned.

But what about the baby.
The key to the firearm he found.

This then nonrational choice,
cannot be undone.

When you come to this choice,
choose life, if you can.

This life is all, your life matters, this life matters.

If you cannot choose life, choose to wait one more day.

If I had made that choice, that day,
all of the joy I have today would have been lost.

Choose life, If only for me.

Friday, November 1, 2019

why then the poems

Why do they come,
to me.

No children have I created,
nor will that ever be.

Two children I have, 
a gift from the handmaiden.

Though they are the very joy, of my life,
They were not my creations.
The poems then are my creations.

The need to create drives me now.
These revelations from the muze.

Like a great pouring, of lava, 
flowing forth, from a caldera.

Has it always been there?
Deep within my soul?

Out it comes now, all the heartache, 
pain, and joy

It redirects the streams of joy,
flowing forth from my soul.

That I may nourish the seeds,
hidden deep in your soul.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

This then the drive

This then the drive, to visit, one of the babies.

Nearly grown now, is he?
He is tall.
He is smart.

One of the babies, we raised, together.

But the choices, he made, what of the choices.
He is not what he did, he is one of the babies.
So a used van, I buy, to take them, for a visit.

This then four hours, we will drive, one way.
In the van, my wife and I will sit,
while mom and dad visit with the baby,
now a young man.

I hold a prayer, that is all I can hold.
No influence have, I over this baby.
All I have is my love.

He could have been my first baby,
But grandpa loved him first.

So all I have is my prayer and hope.
A hope that he will become more then he did.
More then he is, now.

This crime, this thing, forgiveness will then come.
For to love is the only choice I have, today.
To choose any other is to damage my soul.
So I will love the boy I have no influence over,
and I will cherish this memory, we make today.





Friday, October 25, 2019

The Babies they raised together

They were sisters, first,  were they not?
Then mother, and daughter.

The babies, then they raised, together.
Unmarried she was and living at home.
Helping her mom with the babies.

Born when out of high school, she was.
Young enough, they were.
They could have been, her children.

Then the young man along came he.
Too young for her was he,
she then 30 and he is 25.
This then the cradle, she robbed.

Then the small house, in the center of town.
It was her grandmother's house, the first they bought,
together.

Then no babies came, to them,
infertile was he, failed her request,
to help make a baby.

Then the daycare center, in their home,
more babies then come, to raise.

Her sister, fertile was she.
This then her gift, a baby, to them.

This then their baby to raise together.

Her mother received a gift, two babies,
from her daughters.

This then more babies, to raise, together.

These babies, siblings would be.
One home, two houses, and three babies to share.

Then later, one final gift, this baby,
to them, this day.

This then the babies, they raised together.








Thursday, October 17, 2019

Poetry, the price of

It comes easily now, the poetry.
It comes in the night, with little thought,
or preparation.

But the cost, it was terrible,
not certain it is worth the price,
she paid.

Years of pain, heartache and shame,
he pours into, the poetry.

Cancer, the car wreck, the strained relationships.

He can't stop it now, it flows too easily.
These flow forth, from his soul.

Still, he wishes the poetry had never come,
at such a cost.

This option he has not now,
so the shame, anger, and guilt,
he leaves behind on the page,
with poetry.

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

On Being Delvin

Delvin Loved Nora,
His Aunt Nora.

Nora's name, real full name,
Elnora, Sara Elnora,
But Sara, she disliked, ,
Difficult, to pronounce, Aunt Elnora was,
So Aunt Nora called, was she, by them all.


Thursday, October 10, 2019

The once then friend

Once then, were we friends?
Friends thus then, are we now?

This betrayal, this disharmony,
felt so deep, not skin deep,
but soulful deep.

How then you damaged our souls.

How then to recover,
this then our relationship,
I wait now, to discover.

For Christ did wash, Judas feet,
in preparation for, his redemption.

Saturday, October 5, 2019

On my relationship with my God and my faith community

 I have found the following talk by Elder Oakes before he joined The First Presidency helpful in knowing how to receive personal revelation and how to follow the current prophet.


With a church based on continual revelation there is bound to be some ebb and flow in her teachings and Doctrine.  Look at the changes Joseph Smith experienced between the New York Period and the Nauvoo Period.  There were very many radical changes in teachings and doctrine.  With Brigham Young there was some push back from Josephs later Nauvoo teachings.  The church has largely ignored Joseph’s last speech “The King Follett Sermon” until very recently.  Wilford   Woodruff pushed back from the Adam God Theory, the practice of being sealed in the Temple to great men and prophets, and returned to the early practice of being sealed to our own kin.   Pres Nelson is pushing back from central correlation and moving to a family center, church supported model.

... "but all the men in the United States cannot prevent a man from thinking. There are not Apostles enough in the Church to prevent us from thinking, and they are not disposed to do so; but some people fancy because we have the Presidency and Apostles of the Church they will do the thinking for us. There are men and women so mentally lazy that they hardly think for themselves. To think calls for effort, which makes some men tired and wearies their souls. Now, brethren and sisters, we are surrounded with, such conditions that it requires not only thought, but the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Latter-day Saints, you must think for yourselves. No man or woman can remain in this Church on borrowed light." (J. Golden Kimball. April 1904 General Conference)

I love and enjoy the time, I spend with my faith community.  I am well respected in the community.  I am not willing to let it govern my personal relationship with God or in how I receive Personal Revelation.  This is a tip rope I am more than willing to walk.

Friday, October 4, 2019

The Gardener and the Cure

It is growing now, in the garage.
The Gardner brought the solution,
he tells you to believe.

You have no faith in the cure,
but peace it may bring.

This herb, this evil then, they tell you.
This gateway to Hell.

But you live in Hell, now.
To risk it all, now you do.
For the life of the loved one,
you do adore.

So many fights, through the years,
with each other, to gain the children.

The Gardner will be a 3rd child soon,
with the marriage of your daughter.

For now their is hope growing in the garage, and peace, in your soul.

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Who am I




Who Am I?

I am a 54-year-old middle-aged man.  I am a father.  I am a husband. I am a son. I love to read.  I love to write essays and poetry.  I am very highly self-educated.  Because I am very high functioning on the Autism Spectrum, I have a need to continually gather fresh information.  As I get older I have a much more difficult time recalling the data at a whim. I am very good at taking two facts and creating a third fact that builds on the first two.  This talent used to drive my mother crazy.  She thought I was making fun of her lack of education when I would ask her questions and then create facts and then appeared to know more about the subject than she did.   

I am an unorthodox heretical nonconforming Mormon.  I am highly respected in my faith community because of my vast understanding of church history, and scripture study, and my depth of knowledge of religious matters.  I found about 10 years ago this knowledge left me with no lasting peace or enjoyment in life.   I can remember going outside and cursing god in my unhappiness in this situation.   As I prayed and worked through this faith crisis, I learned to universalize my faith and began to understand how God will redeem all mankind.  I do not have time to describe it in full here, but it is based on the Light Of Christ, The Law of Atonement, and our Temple Ordinances.  I believe God does speak to all and there have been plenty of non-Mormon prophets in the world.  I have spent decades of my life searching out and finding their writings.   Their study has enriched my life.

I am dirty and disorganized at times.  I sometimes have to be reminded to shower on a daily basis.  It has not been a problem in the last few years, but it caused me great difficulty in my early grade school years.  I had a poor experience in grade school.  I was intellectually gifted but socially backward.  I discovered in my forty’s this was most likely caused by my undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome.  Once I took the Aspie test my whole world became clearer.  I began to understand why I think and socialize differently than most of my friends, especially in grade school.

I am a father who was born sterile.  I discovered this after I had been married a couple of years and my wife asked me to take a fertility test.   I have the privilege of adopting two children, a boy, and a girl.  They are the joy of my wife and my life.  I am so grateful for the chance to be a father. I often feel like a failure as a father when I compare myself to others in the ward.  Then I remind myself  I was the best father I knew how to be and if I was not their father they would never have been born.  My adoption made their life possible and they have blessed my life and my wife’s life.

An assignment for Comm 150

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Still the Poetry

Still, the poetry


From where doeth it come.
But cometh it does.

Till I come,
It reaches me.

Forevermore
And then the same.

Doeth it reach you?

Steven Bassett
Facebook September 29, 2016



Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Sterling Silver relationships

This is one of my mom and Dad's first wedding bands. My Dad gave it to me a few years ago. I wear it as a reminder of my covenants, to my parents, wife, and children. It is of simple solid Sterling Silver like our relationships. If you look closely at our wedding photo,, I am wearing a gold wedding band. I was too poor to purchase wedding bands. Bonnie had a gold ring she stretched and remade for me as a wedding gift. It was beautiful, of high gold content. It was very soft and did not endure well. I wore it out completely. After that, I wore a C.T.R Ring for years thas was another gift from my wife. It too did not endure. This ring is al least 80 years old and still like new. I think we need to build sterling silver relationships that will last and endure the test of time. Nothing about this ring would attract you to it in a pawn shop. Still, it has lasted this many years. It is a strong as the day my parents first bought it probably in a pawn shop.

Image may contain: one or more people, ring and closeup

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

What they sell us

The world,
Is it now becoming?

They seek to divide,
to sell us the goods.

Hate sells better
then love.

To advertise,
they must shock us.

Murder, theft, and robbery,
sell better then,
kittens and new puppies.

To entertain they must devide us.

By all measure the world gets better,

When I walk away,
turn it off,
and seek to serve.

Steven Bassett

Facebook September 2015

Sunday, August 11, 2019

On waking this morn

He awoke this morn.
At 4:00 am as he normally does.

He is an early riser.
Thinking of the one and the covenant.

Two houses, one home.
This is their life now.

Sent her a text he did,
Something to find when she awakes.

The covenants kept, the lives they share.
This then, this day, they renew.

Thursday, July 25, 2019

On Return to Vicksburg

He hungered then, for Vicksburg.
Was it a dream, or a mere mirage?
He had been so young, then.
Full of possibility.
This newness, this learning, this stretching.

The truck driver traveling with the one, who was another's wife. 
7 days until the interview and the baptism.
Mission president agreed, honest they were ...
Still the need for divorce and remarriage.

Then the one they met in the hospital.
Stage four was her cancer within a year she would be gone.
She gained a testimony of the prophet, 
Listening to stories from The Book of Mormon.
Read by the one chain-smoking Camel cigarettes.
No cure would come,  yet peace would be restored.

What then does he return with, at the end,
His mom would come. to bring him home, from home...
He wanted his mom to share, in Vicksburg.
To see the growth and feel the love, of her son.

To leave the memories and bring the gift, of growth.
Never looking back, ever looking forward. 
Now in old age, it is the place he most wants to be.
To bring the one he raised the babies with.

To share with her his love, of Vicksburg.

When they wed


They where young, were they not,
when they wed.

Or where they not
but old.

How then to remember,
being young,

She taught him love,
Though learned he slow.

After these 30 years years,
yet many he is still,  learning

Will he ever listen, to her.

As time draws close,
is their time still,

To learn, to listen,  to love,

Now they are old, yet still so young

Steven Bassett
July 25 2015
Facebook

Saturday, July 20, 2019

My Own Gethsemane, Final Draft


Steven Bassett
Bro. Gentry
Eng 106
18 July 2019
My Own Gethsemane
Is the pain less real for the loss of a possibility?  I asked myself this one day at work.   It began simply enough with a request from my wife as she escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom; it was now ours.  “Help me make a baby," she had said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request.  She will remain the last.
            We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together. The one thing my wife requested when we were courting was a small yard and a place to plant flowers.  One night I learned, after coming home, we were expecting twins. This news brought such joy, it seemed to complete our marriage.   This reminded me of the first flower I gave her. She kissed me that night. This was my first kiss, except a goodnight kiss to momma and daddie.  A few days after I learned of the babies, she requested a priesthood blessing; the babies were dying.   The marriage that began with some flowers and a kiss soon turned to such depth of despair.
When no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I take a fertility test.  No reason was found for my infertility; my body had simply never created a sperm cell. If my body had never created a sperm cell, how did we experience the first miscarriage?  In my Patriarchal Blessing, God promised me a large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I felt was real even when the babies were not.   
The Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. Before he came to Earth, his daddy taught him about pain, sorrow, and loss. Until the garden, he has not experienced pain, sorrow, and loss.  My momma taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana Allen.  He was born before he was ready to thrive. Until this experience, I had been taught but had not experienced the pain from the loss of a child. This is an experience my mom and I share, like the one Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.
When I meet someone who has lost a child, I recall this experience.  I spent years mourning the loss of my unborn children, even if these children were only a possibility.  I understand how Christ carried my burden in The Garden of Gethsemane. I understand how He took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our children.
With time, a handmaiden would provide us with two children. I know how it feels to lose a child. I know how it feels to gain a child. I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second.   My children are both a real joy and a blessing.  These children have diminished but not removed the pain from the loss of the first two children.
My children are mostly grown now.  My daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her husband.  They have replaced their unborn children with their family pets.  I understand their loss; I feel their pain.  I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

My Own Gethsemane


Steven Bassett
Bro. Gentry
Eng 106
11 July 2019
My Own Gethsemane

Is the pain less real for the loss of a possibility?  I asked myself this one day at work. When my wife and I were first married we experienced what we thought was a miscarriage. Turns out I was sterile. My body had never created a sperm cell, idiopathic they said with no explanation. I use the experience when I meet with a friend or family member who has experienced a loss.  With this experience, I understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.

To understand the height of my joy, I want you to experience the depth of my sorrow. This sorrow is a lesson I carry to help others to reach their joy.

She was my first, steady girlfriend, female kiss, and first female intimacy.   It began simply enough with a request my wife, as she escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom. It was now ours.  “Help me make a baby" she had said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request.  She will remain the last.

            We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together.  One night I learned, after coming home, we were expecting twins.  She requested a priesthood blessing. She was losing the babies.  I felt deeply this loss of our children.

            When no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I take a fertility test.  The doctor found no reason for infertility; my body had simply never created a sperm cell. I ask myself how could this be?  What of the loss of the first two babies?  Had not God promised me a large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I felt was real even when the babies were not.

The Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. He learned of pain, sorrow, and loss. His father had informed him about these things.  Till the Garden of Gethsemane, he had not experienced them. My mom taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana Allen.  He was born before he was ready to thrive. Until this experience, I had been taught but did not understand the pain from the loss of a child. This is an experience my Mom and I share, like the one Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.

When I visit with a mother, father or grandparent, who has lost a child, I understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.

With time a handmaiden would provide us with two children.  They are both a real joy and a blessing.  These children have diminished but not removed the pain from the loss of the first two children, even if those children were only a possibility.

My children are mostly grown now.  My daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her husband.  They have replaced their unborn children with their family pets.  I understand their loss; I feel their pain.  I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.


#I am using the term handmaiden in the Old Testament sense.  In the Old Testament, a handmaiden is a woman who chooses to bear a child for another woman.  Ruth was a handmaiden to Naomi and Boaz.  Mary was a handmaiden to our Heavenly Mother. 



Wednesday, July 3, 2019

My Own Gethsemane


Steven Bassett
Bro. Gentry
Eng 106
2 July 2019
My Own Gethsemane

The pain is not less for the loss of a possibility.  She escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom. It was now ours.  “Help me make a baby" she had said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request.  She will remain the last.
She was my first, steady girlfriend, female kiss, and first female intimacy.  I remember the scent the next morning, it was somewhere between stale socks and the ice cream container a friend kept in her truck, used to store the contents of her stomach. My friend experienced morning sickness most of her pregnancy.
            We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together.  One night I learned, after coming home, we were expecting twins.  Then a priesthood blessing she requested, she was losing the babies.  I felt deeply this loss of our children.
            When no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I take a fertility test.  The doctor found no reason for infertility; my body had simply never created a sperm cell. I ask myself how could this be?  What of the loss of the first two babies?  Had not God promised me a large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I felt was real even when the babies were not.  This pain I can use as a gift to understand others' loss vicariously.
The Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. He learned of pain, sorrow, and loss. His father had informed him about these things.  Till the Garden of Gethsemane, he had not experienced them. My mom taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana Allen.  He was born before he was ready to thrive. Until this experience, I had been taught but did not understand the pain from the loss of a child. This is an experience my Mom and I share, like the one Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.
When I visit with a mother, father or grandparent, who has lost a child, I understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.
            With time a handmaiden would provide us with two children.  They are both a real joy and a blessing.  These children have diminished but not removed the pain from the loss of the first two children, even if those children were only a possibility.
My children are mostly grown now.  My daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her husband.  They have replaced their unborn children with their family pets.  I understand their loss; I feel their pain.  I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.



Saturday, June 29, 2019

God Speaks to All Men


Steven Bassett
Bro. Gentry
Eng 106
28 June 2019
God Speaks to All Men
When one studies extra-biblical sources of revelation, one learns that God speaks to all men in their own language and culture.  This search for extra-biblical sources of revelation can enrich one's life and enrich the lives of one's family and friends.  But still, one asks how can the study of extra-biblical sources improve one's life?  These men lived hard lives; we may have lived a hard life. They learned about God; we can learn about God.  They learned to recognize the voice of God; we can learn to recognize the voice of God. God has things he needs us to do, only us, not anyone else.  If we can learn how they received a revelation; we can receive revelations. Studying both standard works and extra-biblical text will help us recognize the voice of God in our lives and assist one in receiving revelation.
First, studying extra-biblical text will help us recognize the voice of God in our lives. Nephi, a Book of Mormon prophet, learned how to recognize the voice of God and learned that God speaks to all men in their own time, language, and culture.
 “For my soul delighteth in plainness; for after this manner doth the Lord God work among the children of men. For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their language, unto their understanding.” (2 Nephi 31:33)
If God does speak to all men in their languages, times, and cultures; we need to identify these sources in our native culture and language. This native culture, for me, is largely Anglo-Saxon-Norman.  The native language I speak is English.  In studying the Bible, I learned it is a rich source of information about God.  It has been giving inspiration and comfort, for many people, for generations.  It is a collection of stories and myths that reach back before recorded time. 
These stories were preserved because people found them helpful in living and understanding their daily experiences. The problem I have with the Bible is it was written in languages foreign to me and to cultures I do not understand.  To understand these revelations, I need to understand the cultures of their prophets.
We can study to recognize the voice of God. He will assist us in receiving revelation. These prophets and apostles learned the true nature of God.  They shared their testimony of him with us, and many paid for their revelations with their lives.  Some of these men sought to reform the church as a part of their revelations. These teaching can be difficult to understand because they were written for another time, place, culture, and language.  The English Prophets wrote to people who spoke English;  their culture was Anglo-Saxon- Norman.  Our culture has changed a great deal since their time, but this shared culture is more similar to my culture than the cultures of ancient Greece, Rome, or Judea.
            John Taylor was a lay Methodist preacher born in Milnthorpe, Westmorland (now part of Cumbria), England. He felt a calling to go to the Americas to preach.  He emigrated to Toronto, Canada where he was introduced to an extra-biblical text, The Book of Mormon.  This book led him to study the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to later join that church.  In a talk in the Salt Lake City, Utah Tabernacle, he stated.
"I have heard some people say, — If God revealed himself to men in other days, why not reveal himself to us?” I say, why not to us?  ...  There were men who could gaze upon the face of God, have the ministering of angels, and unfold the future destinies worldwide. If those were dark ages, I pray God to give me a little darkness and deliver me from the light and intelligence that prevail in our day” (Taylor).  
John Taylor learned to trust extra-biblical texts. I can learn to trust extra-biblical texts.  I have the courage to search for extra-biblical texts. I can be guided by The Holy Ghost. I know how they received revelation and how I can receive revelation.
            We have standard works for a reason, generations of people have learned they can be trusted. When we fail to use these standard works and rely too much on non-biblical text and personal revelation, we can be misinformed.  In 1524, the citizens of Munster, a small Germain town in Westphalia, demonstrated what can happen when we depend too much on personal revelations.  The Anabaptist, a protestant sect, gained control of the city.  They were first assisted by the anti-Catholic Luther leaders of the town.  John Leiden gained control of the city and ruled it by personal revelations.  There were a larger number of women in town then men. He legalized polygamy.  The town was surrounded by an army and forced to surrender.  This rebellion leads to The Treaty of Westphalia.  By this treaty, all countries were required to adopt the religion of their monarch.  This event reduced personal religious freedom.
There were men who produced extra-biblical text while holding fast to the standard works.  One of my favorites is John Milton, He failed in his mission to create the English Republic based on Puritan principles.  With the failure of The English Republic and the restoration of the English Monarchy under Charles II, Milton despaired that his life's work was a failure.   Few men of his age knew more about the biblical text, in Greek and Hebrew, then John knew.   He had an understanding of the ancient Greek stories and myths and the Greek philosophers.  John Milton lost his eyesight.  He wondered what good was a blind poet and philosopher; he then received the following revelation from God in the form of a poem.
On His Blindness
When I consider how my light is spent,
   Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
   And that one Talent which is death to hide
   Lodged with me useless, though my Soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
   My true account, lest he returning chide;
   “Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
   I fondly ask. But patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God" doth not need
   Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best
   Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
 They also serve who only stand and wait.      
(John Milton)
            John is an example of a person who honored both the Biblical text and created new scripture.  It was after receiving this revelation that he produced Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained.  These texts are epic poetry, in the tradition of The Odyssey, or The Iliad.   The first poem describes the Fall of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden; The War in Heaven before The Creation and why God chose Jesus Christ as The Redeemer. The second describes a conversation Jesus and Lucifer had for 40 days, in the wilderness, after Jesus was baptized.  By itself, either text would have been the work of a lifetime. These texts would be difficult to produce for a man with good eyesight and a research library.  John produced these from memory as a blind poet. He composed it nightly and then dictated it to a secretary in the morning.  
Lives will be improved by our study of both biblical and extra-biblical sources. God has revealed things in our native culture and language.  Thanks to the invention of the internet these extra-biblical teachings are easier to locate and access now.  One should also search out and find other extra-biblical sources of inspiration and guidance; I ask you to continue to study the standard works, but also don’t be afraid of expanding your horizon and search out other sources of information in your native time, language, and culture.






Works Cited
Smith, Joseph. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 2013.
“The Knowledge of God and Mode of Worshiping Him John Taylor.” John Taylor: The Knowledge of God, Etc (Journal of Discourses), journalofdiscourses.com/16/26.
Milton, John. “Sonnet 19: When I Consider How My Light Is Spent by John Milton.” Poetry Foundation, Poetry Foundation, www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44750/sonnet-19-when-i-consider-how-my-light-is-spent.

Sunday, June 16, 2019

On the Loss of Possibility

Is the pain any less, for the loss of a possibility?
I ask myself this question, one day at work.

Help me make a baby she had said,
On the first time, on that second night.
It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear.
It was good that first night, and the many to follow.
In a matter of weeks, they were in that first home.
The first one they purchased, together.
He came home one evening, twins she said, coming soon.
Then one night the home teacher they called.
A blessing she wanted, to keep the babies.
Then the loss of those two possibilities.
Still together they worked, on creating the babies.
In time they learned of the loss of the possibility.
He had been born sterile, no babies would he ever produce.
Still, the pain he remembered, from the loss
of the first two possibilities.
He would keep the memory of the pain, of the loss.
He would recall it when he needed to understand the loss of the others,
and their possibilities.
With time the handmaiden would provide the babies.
He would teach his children to honor the handmaiden,
as he and his wife raised their new possibilities.
Still, he carried with him, the pain of the loss, of those first two, possibilities.

When I visit with a mother, father or grandparent, who has lost a child, I  understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.



Saturday, June 8, 2019

On Learning to Trust Doubt v11


Steven Bassett
Bro. Gentry
Eng 106
25 May 2019

On Learning to Trust in Doubt

Is it wrong to doubt or question gospel doctrines, or is it a normal part of developing a testimony?

I have learned that doubt is an essential part of the learning process.  We must confront what our parents and teachers have taught us.  A number of years ago I created a motto for myself; “Real growth comes in the margins, with rising levels of uncertainty’”. We must be willing to evaluate their truth claims if only to correct their incomplete understanding.  "I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong."  (Feynman, p24)

I have been instructed since my youth to bear testimony of the certainty of the restoration, that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that God’s prophet leads the church today. I myself have born this testimony many times from the pulpit. This testimony was a good first step.  The first step in pedagogy is an imitation.  In the long run, imitation will not sustain truth exploration or increase our faith and reliance on God.

 In an essay, Levi Petersen speaks of losing his testimony.  He loses it when he is confronted by the Christianity of a Jehovah's Witness.  He had been raised to believe that The Latter-Day Saint Church has a monopoly on truth.  In the essay, he speaks of seeking the remainder of his life to returning to this level of certainty.  " If I differ from the typical Latter-day Saint, it is because my anxiety is focused not upon whether my immortal soul may suffer damnation but upon whether I have an immortal soul." (Petersen,19) With this level of uncertainty, Levi has learned to see the essential question of the immortality of his very soul.

Levi Peterson's wife was a non-Mormon.  She asks him to raise their daughter in the LDS Church because his church was as good as any other, maybe a little better.  She had the faith to believe the doctrines of the Church would be beneficial to their daughter.  She was expressing a faith, if not a belief.   Even in his uncertainty Levi was able to pass his faith in God onto his wife and child.

I myself have experienced this level of angst and uncertainty.  I have studied, and studied, and studied the doctrines of the Church, yet this study brought me no lasting peace and fulfillment.  I remember going out one night and cursing God in my unhappiness.  This certainty has brought me no personal sense of satisfaction.  

There was a payphone that once stood in the Mojave Desert. It was installed in the corner of a crossroad for the convenience of some miners who worked nearby.  In the days before cell phones, phone booths were an essential part of life.  The phone company continued to maintain the phone booth long after the mine closed.  With the invention of the Internet, the world soon learned the number to the phone.  As a prank people would call it just to hear it ring.  Visitors camped near the phone booth just to listen for the ring.  I often thought of this story as I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting.  I wondered if I was the pay phone waiting for a call or was I the one calling the pay phone knowing no one would answer it.  (Mojave Phone Booth,Wikipedia)

I am learning to live with uncertainty.  Do my children love me?  Where do I fit in the lives of my wife and children?  Is God really there and does he answer my prayers?  Have I lived the life God wanted me to live? Who are my large and righteous posterity? How do I hear his voice and follow his ways?

Even as my own level of uncertainty has increased, I have learned to have more faith and trust in God.  I have been led to instruct my children in an unorthodox manner.  I have taught them well The Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They know how to repent, and they know how to forgive and be forgiven.  I am most certain of this.  I see it in their eyes when I see their interactions with each other.  When I see the pictures of my two children and their older brother laughing and having a good time, I know that I have made enough good choices to partially answer these questions. I have no certainty, but I have hope, for now, that is enough.  This uncertainty brings me great joy. 

When I listen to the talks in Sacrament Meeting for intent, not for quality, when I pet my children’s newborn kittens, when I listened to my Dad’s favorite joke for the fourth time yesterday, and three times today, when I am grateful for the life Heavenly Father has led me to create, I know these things are real life.   They bring real joy.

I will never be able to stop thinking about deep thoughts.  My brain is hard-wired to do it.  I can not stop it.  I also know these deep thoughts are not real life.  I am grateful for my wife and children and for them helping me to understand this truth and to live with uncertainty. This increase in uncertainty has to lead me to great faith, and reliance on God.





Feynman, Richard P., and Jeffrey Robbins. The Pleasure of Finding Things Out: The Best Short Works of Richard P. Feynman. Penguin, 2007.

Peterson, Levi S. “A Christian by Yearning.” Sunstone, Sept. 1988.

“Mojave Phone Booth.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 22 Feb. 2019, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mojave_phone_booth.