Schrödingers cat,

Here I sit, like Schrödinger's cat,
the possibilies open,
while the box remains closed.

To make a choice, then ...
or to be subjected to,
anothers choice.

Mistakes I have made,
paths I have chosen,
now subject to these,
remain I, this day.

Brokenness and the Fall of Man

Good morning Brother and Sisters.  It is my pleasure to be with you today.

I want to share with you my favorite scripture.  It has deep meaning to me and I reference it a great deal with life becomes difficult for me. It is 2 Nephi

2 Nephi 4:15-17 And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children.

16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

As I have spoken to you in the past from this pulpit.  I am broken, from a broken family.  I have learned, from a lifetime of service, to love my family.  I do not always agree with them.  They do not always agree with them.  I have learned to both follow and lead them by example, to love the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I in my early youth, as I was developing my testimony, I read a great deal of Church History.  I kept a journal of my thoughts.  I prayed to love and serve my family.  I was not attracted to reading the Scriptures, especially The Book of Mormon.  I really disliked:

1 Nephi 1:1

I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents …

Why was I not born of goodly parents?  I was jealous of Nephi and his family.  His family was led by a prophet.  When I learned of the Psalm of Nephi, it spoke to my soul. 

2 Nephi 4:17

Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

I really love my family and could not understand why were, like we were.  Fallen man, deeply fallen man.  It was my sin as much as there’s that deeply troubled me.   I wondered how Heavenly Father could love me when I was so weak and fallen.  It comforted me to know that Nephi felt the same way.

2 Nephi 18-21

“I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.

My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.”

How then to be rescued from this fall.  I am not a preaching man.  I had poor social skills.    People do not generally follow me because I ask them to.   How then to be rescued from this fall.  How to be a part of, and separate from my family.   This scripture then gave me a model of hope and faith.  I could be like a fallen Nephi even if my family was not led by a prophet.

What do we now think of the fallen state we are trapped in.  Just one small sin or act of rebellion with forever banish us from Heavenly Fathers presence.

Alma 45:16 

“And he said: Thus saith the Lord God—Cursed shall be the land, yea, this land, unto every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, unto destruction, which do wickedly, when they are fully ripe; and as I have said so shall it be; for this is the cursing and the blessing of God upon the land, for the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.”

“The Fall was not a disaster. It wasn’t a mistake or an accident. It was a deliberate part of the plan of salvation. We are God’s spirit offspring, sent to earth innocent of Adam’s transgression. Yet our Father’s plan subjects us to temptation and misery in this fallen world as the price to comprehend authentic joy. Without tasting the bitter, we actually cannot understand the sweet. We require mortality’s discipline and refinement as the next step in our development toward becoming like our Father. But growth means growing pains. It also means learning from our mistakes in a continual process made possible by the Savior’s grace, which He extends both during and after all we can do. “

The Atonement: All for All Bruce C. Hafen General Conference April 2004

The lesson in the atonement that Lehi were left was not only for Laman and Lemuel but also for Nephi.  At Lehi’s death, and the separation of the family.  Nephi was left depressed and despondent at his failure to keep the family together.  He had failed at a task his father asks him to fulfill.  After feeling sorry for himself, Nephi remembered his father’s teachings and on whom he could depend on.  He recommitted to the teachings of Christ. He remembered Lehi’s lessons from the past and turned to depend on God again.

These past few years I have learned, that I can depend on Heavenly Father’s teaching and Jesus Christ atonement to carry me when life gets tough.

My wife’s health, my car accident, my daughter’s marriage have been tough for me to handle, these last 4 years.  I remember the lesson, The Holy Ghost shared with me as I struggled with my father’s family growing up.  I am not perfect. Heavenly Father does not need me to be perfect.  He needs me to build a strong relationship with him, my family and my ward members, to have the strength to fulfill the task he has assigned me.

"Broken" Kenneth Cope

To this then the covenant

To this day, we make, the covenant.
Not for time, only
but for eternity.

This then does include,
the children.

We promise to love,
when we are unlovable.

If we are commanded,
to pray for our enemies,
does this not include,
our families.

We often quarell,
with ones, who know us best.

Into the covenant,
with both eyes open,
we remain inside with one, now closed.

To the remainder of my days,
I keep my covenant,
as she keeps hers.

On Aeschylus

My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He wrote: "In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

Robert F Kennedy April 4 1968
Indianapolis Indiana

https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/the-kennedy-family/robert-f-kennedy/robert-f-kennedy-speeches/statement-on-assassination-of-martin-luther-king-jr-indianapolis-indiana-april-4-1968

The son of the mourning

This then, the morning after.
the battle, here in her home.

Sorrow filled her heart.
That her chosen one.
The son of the morning,
Would do this.

Full of so much promise.

His, and their light,
would diminish now.

Now it begins,
the choice, the real choice.

She had loved them all.
But now her heart breaks.
One third gone,
unredeemable, of his choice.

She wished she could have kept them,
here, cradled them, in her bosom.

She had loved them,
from, Eternity.

Now comes their choice,
real choice.

Michael would become, Adam.

The first man, in the new formed world.

But this loss,
the first loss,
of many to come.

It may be the greatest.
This then breaks her heart.

The son of the mourning.

Shades of the choice

Thy will be done,

mine

Thy will be done,
Gods

Thy Will be done,
mine, or his?

* this is the song I was listening when I received this poem.

Thy Will

Artist: Hillary Scott & The Scott Family

Album: Love Remains

Released: 2016

The common-law wife.

To be the mistress,
or common-law wife.

Young she was when,
she came to the Swans.

Her parents, gone.

To be indentured then,
a servant girl.

Then love did come,
to the servant girl.

But this being Victorian times.
This uneven match, could not be.

He the son of the master.

Yet children did come,
acknowledged, by the masters son.

Then blessed in the church.

It was not a bad life.
good food,
a warm bed,
children educated,
and later, the masters home.

30 years she waited, but marriage did come.

To this, then the wife,
she becomes ...

* This is a true story grandmother, Elenor Broome

Lucifer the first broken one

Their he was,

that first broken one,

unable to return,
and, unwilling to change.

Pride, vain pride.
to lose the followers, he misled.

How simple,
to bend the will,
to the one.

Both in debt,
and discharged.

This god, will not forgive,
I will not forsake,
I would then to return,
This course, of action.

Then on to the new created world,
to deceive mankind,
by this choice,
this divided kingdom, 

to rule with God, 

this day.

John Milton

Paradise Lost 4:1-113

The screw'in stool

Their it was,
in the kitchen.

The one where so many Martin's,
were provided,

a start.

Used daily to reach the highest shelf.

That is not, why it was kept,
their.

Late night,
when children were in bed.

The senior Martin's would reunite,
to renew again,

a covenant.

And occasionally a new life,
a Martin,
would be planted.

On arranged marriage.

Was the marriage,
arranged?

It was time to marry,
now.

He had been home long,
enough.

His syblings,
they were married.

Then now must he start,
to date.

He prayed,
and out with a few girls,
he went.

Dad had a friend,
a girl at work.

She needed a good,
friend.

So off to the young adult activity,
swiming it was.

Little did he know of her fear,
of water.

Six months later,
to the temple,
they go.

This goal now met,
together.

So arranged was the marriage?

Or thus working on,
still.

On Casting Crowns and the wider Body of Christ.

Last night I attended a concert in the Abravanel Hall, In Salt Lake City Utah. It was performed by Casting Crowns. They are a group of musicians from Atlanta Georgia. They would be best described as Christian Contemporary Band, a Christian Rock Group. It felt like church. It felt good to meet with the church. If one accepts the wider definition that the church is the Body of Christ, a collection of his believers. To hear a Christian Pastor, speak in humbleness of his own sin, weakness, and brokenness.

To see the beards, tattoo’s, and scars of the followers of Jesus Christ. To feel the spirit flow as the word was preached in humbleness. That Heavenly Father could use the tool of loud raucous rock music to preach the Word of God, to his people.

To spend the day with my sister who has her own brokenness. This is a blessing, I will not forget.

That I may always follow the example of this pastor, and reach out in humbleness to preach his word and bless the life of every person that I meet would be the prayer in my heart today.

"And also those to whom these commandments were given, might have power to lay the foundation of this church, and to bring it forth out of obscurity and out of darkness, the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth, with which I, the Lord, am well pleased, speaking unto the church collectively and not individually—

For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance;"

(Doctrine and Covenants 1:30-31)

"Finally, the restored gospel is a gospel of liberality and generosity. It took my former-Catholic wife Fiona to teach me that the church John saw did not disappear; it retreated into the wilderness. Joseph Smith saw the Restoration as a bringing of that church back out of the wilderness, a restoration of the “ancient palace” now reduced to ruins, a reassembling of all the good and beautiful in the world and in the Christian tradition, that had been lost or corrupted from Eden forward. The church I love has invisible borders, and reminds me of what was written of Spinoza, that “he rejected the orthodoxy of his day not because he believed less, but because he believed more.” Or as Joseph wrote, “it feels so good not to be trammeled.”

For myriad reasons, but these five principally, I choose and affirm this path in order better to live as what Elder Uchtdorf calls “a disciple of the gentle Christ.”

https://www.fairmormon.org/testimo…/scholars/terryl-l-givens

"When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent’s reach. Then from his mouth, the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.

Revelations 12:13-17 NIV

"I hope no reader will suppose that ‘mere’ Christianity is here put forward as an alternative to the creeds of the existing communions—as if a man could adopt it in preference to Congregationalism or Greek Orthodoxy or anything else. It is more like a hall out of which doors open into several rooms." ... "But it is in the rooms, not in the hall, that there are fires and chairs and meals The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in. For that purpose the worst of the rooms (whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable. it is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hail for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise. But you must regard it as waiting, not as camping. You must keep on praying for light: and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one; not which pleases you best by its paint and paneling. In plain language, the question should never be: ‘Do I like that kind of service?’ but ‘Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here? Does my conscience move me towards this? Is my reluctance to knock at this door due to my pride, or my mere taste, or my personal dislike of this particular door-keeper?’

When you have reached your own room, be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house." C. S. Lewis Mere Christianity: Preface

On the new haircut

They complimented her,
On the new haircut,
The ladies of the ward.

Little did they know,
It was coming out,
In handfuls now.

Six months left,
The doctor gave her.

Then the husband,
And the children,
No more.

How to leave this,
Then.

The family she had,
So longed for.

To hear her voice.

To hear to the voice,
of the one I love.

It has been too long,
nearly.

This long time,
to hear her voice.

Their was a time, I was not sure,
she would come.

These days I longed for ...

The first diaper.
The first word.
The first step.

These I thought would never come.

We shared a hammer,
when she was three.

It was our first home in Logan.
She helped me to remodel the entrance.

Now I wait by the phone,
as my Mom did for me

To help her in her time of need.

May I ever be grateful for the gifts,
she has offered me

Thinking of Vicksburg

How I long to be with you again?
Among your people.
This 30 years.

I learned so much,
the last time,
I was with you, there.

I think of Gloria,
cancer took her from her family,
for a while, to be together, again someday.

What of the truck driver?
Traveling with the one?
Who was not his wife?

Seven days, to make the sacred covenants.
The mission president who changed his schedule, to interview the man.

Are they married now with grandkids?

I long to be with you again.
I am needed here, so here stay.

But part of my heart remains with you.
For Eternal Things.

From whence does it come?

Still the poetry,
From where doeth it come.

But come'th it does.

Till I come,
It reaches me.

Forever more
And then the same.

Doeth it reach you?

Posted Facebook Sept 2016

The Church as an AA Meeting

To sin, the choice,
This I have made.

Sin is a choice
And to this I do.

Of ignorance comes,
the transgression.

But this sin,
I must choose.

Of foreknowledge, And desire.

I have chosen this, Sin,
for so long. A pattern it is,
And I know no other.

Other sinners, Must I seek.
Like two drunks, In an A.A. meeting.

Will Bill and Bob, Help me to change.
To sin no more, A day at a time.

Then  is this, the church real,
This then The Body of Christ.

Sinners in a great AA meeting.

The selling of hate

The world is it now,
becoming?

They seek to divide,
us.

To better sell,
the goods.

Hate sells better
then love.

To advertise,
they must shock us.

Murder, theft, and robbery
sell better than,
kittens and new puppies.

To entertain, us.

They must divide, us.

By all measures,
the world gets better,

When I walk away,
turn it off,
and seek to serve.

Facebook poem 09/18/2018
Revised 09/19/2018

On our first day.

That day was our first,
together.

I so longed,
for that day.

That day you created,
a new father.

Born less then,
perfect.

As a father,
I am less then perfect.

You learned to,
overcome ...

I learned to,
be a father.

We both overcome,
our imperfections.

As we seek for growth,
Redemption,
and forgiveness.

On being Samwise Gamgee

This then the walk,
Mr Frodo and I.

How long have we,
journeyed thus?

My burden, not The Ring.
My burden, Mr Frodo.

To standby,
then to wait.

Never the glory,
Ever the burden.

But journey we will,
standby I have.

Meet then our goal,
to the journey, we thus,
The Ring then destroy.

This then our task.

On my Moms

Do they carry us,
Or do we carry them.

The are all gone now,
but one.

The one who was my mom,
And the one's who wanted to be.

I feel their luv.
I understand their fears.

Now I take their lessons,
And make them my own.

To father the ones,
Who remain.

They are gone now, but remain with me, to share.

* At one time, or another, all of my aunt's expressed a desire to be my mom

Sept 11 2015
Facebook.
Update Sept 20, 2018

On poetry

Forth comes the poetry,
Doe'th it naught.

For what purpose,
comes the poetry.

A new found prayer,
a thought,
or a hope, for the future.

Wriggleing forth,  on upward.

To bar it now,
unable or unwilling.

I am.

But share it I must,
endure it you might.

The way then is thus,
to bless us ...

Both.

To hear her voice

I called today,
to hear her voice.

Not the angry,
Or sullen, or dying voice.

The voice from when,
We first, fell, in love.

I have luved her,
This many years.

But how long since,
Have we, been friends.

The separation heals,
It drives me to the longing, years.

To luv, is a covenant,
Down through, the years.

Mom and Dad,
Luved, for nearly, 50 years.

Can I reach out, to rebuild.

This friendship, 

Now we've luved,
This many years.

She came, in her own special way.

I have mourned you, now
This many years.

The years we could have had,
The things we could have shared.

God did promise, you to me.

Have I closed that part, of our hearts.

One who loves us both,
offered us, two,

They filled the void.

Still the life, I sought,
did not come come,
and never would be.

Did you not did come,
on a different path,
in different way?

You and your brother both?

There is new found love,
heartache and pain.

The times, we share,
the lessons, we learn.

The joy you bring,
as you learn to fly,
in your own special way.

On letting go

This past decade, or two,
She was their,

My greatest desire,
Husband and father.

Now she takes flight,
and trust her I must.

Once I left my mom,
three years nearly.

With narley a call or letter.

Yet love me she did,
From a distance.

Now trust her I must,
that return she will,
as I did too.

Noah let loose three birds,
and the rescue was sure,
when return, they did not.

Yet return I did,
and rebuild we did.

Now to my Father and Daughter,
do we thus now begin,
anew.

When joy returns

I am thinking thinking about pain and suffering and endurance, grace, gratitude, cancer, remission, being run over by a cement truck, steak knifes and forearms.

Ever wondering when joy will return. Angry, very angy and gratitude still.

Wales and Duck Billed Platypuses and the joy of Gods humorous creations. Quasar, dark matter,  the smile on my sons face when I come home.

That their is light and God will send many Samwise Ganges when Mr. Frodo can no longer carry the load.

https://youtu.be/9hN9c3RQpZs

The ring we share

It was a simple sterling wedding band purchased at a pawn shop.  It was discarded by another when its value in cash exceeded its value in sentiment.  He wore it daily as a reminder of the covenant they shared.  It was not the first band, that band stayed behind in the jewelry box.  It was too valuable and easily damaged.  The first would not endure long, in the room where he washed clothes to feed their growing family.

She is gone now,

yet they are one.

This we share, now.

The three of us.

A covenant,

a promise,

a ring.

Once it was shared,

by two, then came two more,

and the temple ceremony,

then two more,

Dad gave me the ring,

years ago.

Now four more are bound,

by the ring, the promise,

and the covenant.

My father gave me his second wedding band, which I now wear.
I have three siblings and two children.

He lives with death.

He lives with death,
Or is it life.

T'is life to love,
This all it is.

He does it all,
To come to this.

To this I come,
Or do I leave

To leave and come,
This life is all.

Steven Bassett

Wrote this in Aug 2015 in the midst of my wifes cancer when we believed she was terminal.

Things tobe Grateful for

Grateful for the amazing gift of doubt...
Being run over by a cement truck, and being alive...
For the gift of poetry that follows ...
No firearms in the house on my darkest day ...
The gift of courage to help preserve my wife's life...
For a wife and two beautiful children ...
For a surgery at birth that allowed me to live more then one week.
That my parents learned to forgive, forget and luv again for nearly 50 years...
For being born sterile and the opportunities this gift offered my children ....
That they learned to luv their birth mother ...
That she was an important part of their lives ...
That my brother and sisters learned to forgive, forget and to luv again ...

That I worship a limited god who is blessed with sufficent power to redeem my soul.  ...

For John Milton, William Tyndale, John Bunyan, Isaac Newton,George MacDonald, G.K. Chesterton and C.S. (Jack) Lewis.

* My god has freely chosen to limit his own power to allow me the fullest expression of will.

On incomplete poetry and revealed thought

Why doe'th he write it,
Or doe'th it right him.

These thoughts incomplete,
They revele'th their in.

To fill in the blanks,
Tis but given them now.

T'is his not to seek,
but to them to reveal.

To both, come'th now,
And it filleth their in.

Facebook July 2015

Only to believe

To know, not now,
to believe, then only

So certain, I was,
in my youth

Now then does,
begin old age.

This, then, uncertainty.

T'is a good thing?
This uncertainty?

Comes a stretching.
Thus a reaching.

Rest, not, now.
No sense of piece.

Must now strive,
to gather then thus.

The pieces.

Not to rest,
then to strive.

The answers, then come,
increasingly still.

Thus then, now.

Only, to believe.