Friday, June 6, 2014

On Parenting and Fatherhood.

since my mothers passing....
                               I now parent my Father,
only those who have walked their path can understand.

I hope I am kind enough to my children that they will select a good care facility when my time comes.

Where my Father and I's journey will take us I cannot see now. I can only take one step into the darkness and hope wife and children will follow.

I have know for decades that my children need to see me honor my parents.

I need to honor my children, they are my legacy.

"And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon"

"And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me"
(Harry Chapin)

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

On The Flavor of Lipstick



 Essay

On the flavor of lipstick
October 12, 1989

I would not have believed the attraction that could be held for the flavor of lipstick.  It is bitter and yet so sweet.  It would never do as a topping for ice cream.  I am certain that Baskin Robbins will never use it, as they’re 32 flavor.   I have known children who have eaten it like candy, but I think it would generally be considered quite unappetizing.  I can only think of one group of people who would cherish its flavor and look forward to their next exposure.  They constitute a large portion of our society.   No those people are not crazed lunatics on the loose buying larger quantities of flaming red or passionate pink.  Most of the people who savor the flavor of lipstick never buy their own tubes.  Most often this habit is partaken in the company of another person who most likely purchased the product. 

I think it is the setting more then the actually taste of the product that leads so many of the people in this group to partake of its wonderful effervescence.  It is not always partaken of in public nor is it strictly saved for those more private moments.  It is often, those not always, partaken of in mixed company.  And like all things that brings true pleasure it lingers on long after its effects have washed away.  It lingers in the mind of the partaker as in the mind of the giver.

It reminds me of the story of a man who walked by a dairy and all he could smell is money.  The farmer had learned to associate the smell of the manure with the sight of the milk check at the end of the month.  For those who enjoy the flavor of lipstick it is more for the remembrance of the experience then for the affect on the taste buds.

For those who experience this pleasure later in life, it can be a mixed blessing, especially if it occurs with someone that is really special, someone who you seek to spend the rest of you life with.  It can cement the bonds of friendship into the kind of relationship the will last into eternity.

This is an essay I wrote on the night of Oct 12 1989.
I was kissed by my girlfriend Bonnie Frandsen 
for the first time. 

The next morning she agreed to marry me.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

for he shall save his people from their sins

 

 

And She 

 

 

"shalt call his name Jesus;

for he shall save his people

from their sins."Matthew 1:21




"I would help some to understand

what Jesus came from the home of our Father to be to us


and do for us."

"I presume there is scarce a human being who,
resolved to speak openly,
would not confess to having something that plagued him,
something from which he would gladly be free,
something rendering it impossible for him,
at the moment,
to regard life
as an altogether good thing. "
....

"The causes of their discomfort are of all kinds,"


"from simple uneasiness
to a misery
such as makes annihilation
the highest hope of the sufferer"

"Some, to escape it,
leave their natural surroundings behind them,
and with strong and continuous effort
keep rising in the social scale,
to discover at every new ascent
fresh trouble," "awaiting them,"

"whereas in truth
they have brought the trouble with them.

Others, making haste to be rich,
are slow to find out that the poverty
of their souls,
none the less that their purses are filling,
will yet keep them unhappy.

Some court endless change,
nor know that on themselves
the change must pass
that will set them free.

Others expand their souls with knowledge,
only to find that content will not dwell
in the great house they have built."..

"All seek the thing whose defect appears
the  cause  of their misery," 

"The real cause of his trouble
is a something the man has not perhaps recognized"

"he is not yet acquainted with its true nature."

However absurd the statement may appear 
to one who has not yet discovered the fact for

himself,
the cause of every man's discomfort is evil,
moral evil

first of all,
evil in himself,
his own sin,
his own wrongness,
his own unrightness;

and then, 
evil in those he loves:"

"the only way to get rid of it,
is for the man to get rid of his own sin."

"but evil in ourselves is the cause of its continuance,
the source of its necessity,"

"Foolish is the man,
and there are many such men,
who would rid himself or his fellows of discomfort
by setting the world right,
by waging war on the evils around him,

while he neglects that integral part
of the world where lies his business,
his first business namely, his own
character and conduct.

Were it possible"...
"that the world should
thus be righted from the outside,
it would yet be impossible for the man
who had contributed to the work,
remaining what he was,
ever to enjoy the perfection
of the result;

himself not in tune with the organ he had tuned,
he must imagine it still 
a distracted, jarring instrument.

The philanthropist who regards the wrong as in the race,
forgetting that the race is made up of conscious and wrong individuals,
forgets also that wrong is always generated
in and done by an individual;

that the wrongness exists in the individual,
and by him is passed over,
as tendency,
to the race;

and that no evil can be cured in the race,
except by its being cured in its individuals: "

"There is no way of making three men right
but by making right each one of the three;

but a cure in one man who repents and turns,
is a beginning of the cure of the whole human race."

(Hope of the Gospel, George MacDonald)

Monday, March 17, 2014

5 Kinds of Mormon



5 Kinds of Mormon
By Robert Kirby

With thirty years in the LDS Church (10 states and four countries). I think I am something of an expert on Mormons. Enough of an expert in fact to know that I'm going to catch hell for this. Here it is. In the entire world there are only five kinds of Mormons, basically.

The first kind of Mormon is the Liberal Mormon; this includes all Mormons who attend church only when they feel like it. Liberal Mormons anywhere to the left of the Republican Party, are not rabidly pro-life and don't think every word that falls from the lips of a General Authority represents the actual personal opinion of Jesus Christ. Liberal Mormons are going to hell. Just ask any of the other four kinds of Mormons. On the other hand Liberal Mormons think the intolerance and naive stupidity of other Mormons is more of a threat to mankind than Russian missiles, wheat weevils or 'R' rated movies.

After Liberal Mormons come Genuine Mormons. Nearly every Mormon thinks this is the kind of Mormon he is. In reality, Genuine Mormons are about as rare as, oh say, angels or golden plates. Genuine Mormons are unimpressed with themselves and their opinions. They are affable, easy going and keenly interested in the well being of others. They live various lifestyles and when compared to the more outlandish lifestyles of other Mormons, tend to be dang near invisible. A friend of mine says that this is because they have all been translated. He is wrong. My studies have proved there are only 11 Genuine Mormons on the face of the earth. Two of them live in Utah, three in the remainder of the United States, two in South America, one each in Japan, Canada, Samoa and Spain. There are no Genuine Mormons in California or Idaho. One doubles as a Liberal Mormon, of the remaining ten, four are the Three Nephites and John the Beloved.

The third kind of Mormon is the Conservative Mormon. These kinds of Mormon are the suit and flowered dress crowd you see at church. They tend to be a little overweight and Republican. They attend church 95% of the time but may, if pressed hard enough sleep through General Conference. They pay tithing on their net income and have 4.5 children. The homes of Conservative Mormon 's are decorated with Relief Society nick-knacks. Conservative Mormons humor Liberal Mormons because after all, they are God's children too. 75% of the LDS church is C.M. and 99% of all Conservative Mormons were born into the church.

Fourth are the Orthodox Mormons. Orthodox Mormons would not miss church for the death of a relative. Left to their own devices Orthodox Mormons would eventually make the bringing of dry cereal and Tupperware bowls to Sacrament Meeting a gospel ordinance. Orthodox Mormons have 7.8 children - not because they enjoy them but because somewhere it says that they should, and because even abstinence is an intolerable form of birth control. Orthodox Mormons are scared of Russians, MTV and accidentally partaking of the sacrament with their left hands. They believe Liberal Mormons are the children of the devil. Orthodox Mormons pay tithing based upon their gross income and believe Diet Coke is part of the Word of Wisdom.

Finally there are the Nazi Mormons. 10% of the LDS church is Nazi Mormon. Of that 10% 90% live in Utah and most within shouting distance of BYU. Nazi Mormons are prone to wild claims in testimony meeting about things which cannot be proven. Nazi Mormons claim Diet Coke is the same thing as heroin and heaven is a multi-level marketing system. Nazi Mormons always want to have private talks with you about either golden futures, alien landing strips or soap. Nazi Mormons believe French kissing is cause for excommunication, they routinely take the advice of General Authorities and even improve on it. If no single dating until 16 is good, no single dating until draft age is better. Nazi Mormons pay tithing on their gross income including the stuff they get from the Bishops Storehouse.

There you go. Remember, it is possible to fluctuate between levels. In truth one could find himself swayed from the Conservative Mormon level to the Orthodox Mormon level by a particularly powerful fireside speaker. This only applies to one-level jumps. A Liberal Mormon for example, could never drop four levels to Nazi Mormon.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Robert Kirby "On Staying Mormon"


By Robert Kirby

Salt Lake Tribune Columnist

First Published Mar 13 2014

Shortly before leaving for my LDS mission in 1973, a coworker tried to get me to see the light by giving me the bloody details of the Mountain Meadows Massacre.

In 1857 immigrants traveling in a wagon train were slaughtered near Cedar City. The actual perpetrators of the massacre had long been debated but the truth was finally coming out. Jordan was extra happy about that.

Jordan: "And it was the Mormons who killed them."

Me: "Yeah, I know. Two of my great-great-grandfathers helped."

The fact that I already knew what had happened and was related to some of the murderers didn’t sit well with Jordan. How could I possibly still go on a mission knowing that stuff about the church?

That part was easy: It had nothing to do with me.

While troubling, Mountain Meadows didn’t surprise me. I already knew a few Mormons so steeped in church obedience that with the right prompting they’d probably do it again. As I saw it, my whole job was to make sure I wasn’t one of them.

I feel the same way about polygamy, the one-time ban on blacks in the priesthood and a bunch of other troublesome stuff in our past. I’ve always believed people are bad, including (and sometimes especially) people who are trying to be good.

I bring this up because in a recent address to a group of historian President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, second counselor in the LDS First Presidency, encouraged Mormons to maintain hope in the face of troubling explanations.

When The Tribune reported on it I started getting feedback from readers eager to prove to me that the church I attend isn’t "true." Our history proves it.


Email: "The shame alone should tell you what you need to do, Mr. Kirby. Get out now."

Me: "OK, let me think ab...no."

I’m Mormon. It’s who I am. Yeah, there are things I don’t like about my church but there are things that I do.

It helps that I’m comfortable being my kind of Mormon. It helps me handle people who think they have a better idea what I should do than me.

When I read the story about Uchtdorf’s remarks, my first thought was who better than him to give such advice?

Uchtdorf belongs to a group of people with a dark and horrible past. And it isn’t Mormons. He’s German. He’s probably spent his entire life hearing about the Holocaust, genocide on an industrial scale.

So even though he’s now a naturalized U.S. citizen, I wonder why he didn’t renounce his German heritage? He doesn’t have to be German.

More to the point, why would a guy descended from such horribleness actually volunteer to serve in the Bundeswehr (post-war German army)?

Even though we belong to same church, Uchtdorf and I don’t exactly travel in the same circles, so I have to guess about this. I’d guess he’s proud to be German and have served as a fighter pilot in the West German Air Force.

Should he hang his head in shame? Or does he tell himself — rightly so — that what Germans did a long time ago doesn’t change the kind of person he is today. Maybe sticking around was the best thing for him to do.

Makes sense to me. I don’t want to be something else. I’m comfortable being where I am.

That doesn’t sit well with people both in the church and out who arrogantly presume to tell me what I should do. Fortunately for me, the answer is the same for both groups. All else aside, I’d probably stay Mormon just to piss you off.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

On gaining a friendship



Kelly J. Niederhauser


Kelly and I are friends because we choose to be friends.  
We were not always such friends.  
We went to school together from K-12 and most often did not get along.  
We grew into friendship as adults. 



Elder Niederhauser and Nancy Hoffman Hing


 Kelley opened up our friendship when we were both on our missions. 
 Kelley wrote me a lovely letter which I cherish. 


Only now as an adult do I understand 
how I caused  this difficulty between us. 

I am grateful that he accepted my friendship.  
I learned much from Kelly.

Know that I truly love 
Kelley and will continue to mourn his departure 
until we meet again.




Sunday, March 2, 2014

On the Sauls in our lives

My Thoughts on being Paul; first some background.



It seams in restoring his church God, (  THE LORD, Jehovah, YHWH) has in the past used a dual track process, using formal leaders and informal leaders.


Question, Why;


First the formal Leadership


Jesus appointed Twelve and Seventy Two men to lead his church and spread his gospel to the world. 


The Calling of the Twelve.


'Jesus went up on a mountainside and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him. He appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons. '(Mark 3:13-19, NIV)

'And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.’ (Matthew 16:17-19,NIV)


The Seventy-Two


'After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.
....
‘When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is offered to you. Heal those there who are ill and tell them, “The kingdom of God has come near to you.”' (Luke 10:1-9, NIV)



Second the Informal Leadership. (Saul/Paul, Mary Magdalene, Cornelius;gentile and Roman Centurion,


He born, Saul, a strict Jew of the Pharisee 


 "circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee;" (Philippians 3:5,NIV)  


and Paul a Roman Citizen.


"As they stretched him out to flog him, Paul said to the centurion standing there, “Is it legal for you to flog a Roman citizen who hasn’t even been found guilty?”

When the centurion heard this, he went to the commander and reported it. “What are you going to do?” he asked. “This man is a Roman citizen.”

The commander went to Paul and asked, “Tell me, are you a Roman citizen?”

“Yes, I am,” he answered.

Then the commander said, “I had to pay a lot of money for my citizenship.”

“But I was born a citizen,” Paul replied" Acts 22:25-28 (NIV)

He born with dual names and dual citizenship.

He studied under Rabban Gamaliel,

"Rabban Gamaliel was a leading authority in the Sanhedrin in the early-1st century CE." (Wikipedia:HTTP://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamaliel )



In his zeal to promote the Jewish Kingdom he persecuted the Christian Sect. 



But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off both men and women and put them in prison." (Act 7:55-5;Acts 8:2,NIV)

He was present at the stoneing of Stephen  

"But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.’ (Act 22:3-5, NIV)


Saul/Paul's conversion


"Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’

‘Who are you, Lord?’ Saul asked.

‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. ‘Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’ (Acts 9:1-19 NIV)


Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James, and Salome


"When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, ‘Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?’

But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.

‘Don’t be alarmed,’ he said. ‘You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, “He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.”’  (Mark 16:1-8,NIV)


My question is;

I see a pattern here of Christ appearing both to the appointed leaders of his church and to persons outside the traditional leadership of the Church,


Why.


I believe Jesus called Twelve and Seventy-two men to preach his gospel to the world, lead his church.

These men were called to preach his gospel and administer the ordinances of the church.

The risen Lord first appeared to two woman at the tomb, not to the Twelve or the Seventy-two.


Leadership blinded by the traditions of their training.



“When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it.

After-wards Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. These returned and reported it to the rest; but they did not believe them either.

Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.” (Mark 16:9-14, NIV)


Cornelius calls for Peter


"At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion in what was known as the Italian Regiment. He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly. One day at about three in the afternoon he had a vision. He distinctly saw an angel of God, who came to him and said, ‘Cornelius!’

Cornelius stared at him in fear. ‘What is it, Lord?’ he asked.

The angel answered, ‘Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God. Now send men to Joppa to bring back a man named Simon who is called Peter. He is staying with Simon the tanner, whose house is by the sea.’

When the angel who spoke to him had gone, Cornelius called two of his servants and a devout soldier who was one of his attendants. He told them everything that had happened and sent them to Joppa.”


Peter’s vision


“About noon the following day as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles and birds. Then a voice told him, ‘Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.’

‘Surely not, Lord!’ Peter replied. ‘I have never eaten anything impure or unclean.’

The voice spoke to him a second time, ‘Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.’

This happened three times, and immediately the sheet was taken back to heaven.

While Peter was wondering about the meaning of the vision, the men sent by Cornelius found out where Simone's house was and stopped at the gate. They called out, asking if Simon who was known as Peter was staying there.

While Peter was still thinking about the vision, the Spirit said to him, ‘Simon, three men are looking for you. So get up and go downstairs. Do not hesitate to go with them, for I have sent them.’

Peter went down and said to the men, ‘I’m the one you’re looking for. Why have you come?’

The men replied, ‘We have come from Cornelius the centurion. He is a righteous and God-fearing man, who is respected by all the Jewish people. A holy angel told him to ask you to come to his house so that he could hear what you have to say.’ Then Peter invited the men into the house to be his guests.

......

Then Peter began to speak: ‘I now realise how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right. You know the message God sent to the people of Israel, announcing the good news of peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all. You know what has happened throughout the province of Judea, beginning in Galilee after the baptism that John preached – how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him." (Acts 10:1-38,NIV)

Our task in seeking the modern day Paul's.

I have come to recognize that there are modern day Paul's in his church. These are persons outside the traditional power and leadership structures of the church.

As a Latter-day Saint I believe there are men today who are the modern day version of the Twelve and the Seventy-two. These are men commissioned by God to lead and administer the ordinances of the church.

I know enough history of my faith to know that these men are sometimes blinded by the traditions of our  past leaders.

Look at the history of black ordination to the priesthood. Joseph Smith approved of the ordination of a black man, Elijah Abel, to the Seventy and send him on a mission.

Brigham Young struggling to hold the church together after the death of Joseph Smith, lost his own battle with racial prejudice and denied black members the priesthood and Temple ordinances.  

Sometimes, even in restoring his church he allows tares, to grow,  among the wheat.
  




My Faith is a restored faith, 
not a revealed one 
or a reformed one.



Gadfield Elm Chapel England; pre-restoration
When you restore a structure 
some of the damaged fabric of the old building must remain 
while new timbers are prepared 
and installed in the church





Gadfield Elm Chapel England; post-restoration
Let us be patient with God as he continues to restore his church. 
 Let us seek by the whisperings of the spirit to identify 
and follow those who are called of God 
as were Saul, Mary Magdalene and Cornelius .







Friday, February 21, 2014

On a Covenant Marriage




 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV)







"Like We Never Had A Broken Heart"


Don't be afraid to hold me tight
You know I won't brake in two
What we're doing here tonight
Sure beats what we're going through

We both loved and lost before
You know the sadness it can bring
Tonight let's close the door
And hold onto the nearest thing

Let's keep hangin' on
So we won't fall apart
Let's make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart

Writer: Patrick Alger
Copyright: Polygram Int. Publishing Inc., Universal Music Corp.

On making love with a broken heart....

"Like We Never Had A Broken Heart"

Don't be afraid to hold me tight
You know I won't brake in two
What we're doing here tonight
Sure beats what we're going through

We both loved and lost before
You know the sadness it can bring
Tonight let's close the door
And hold onto the nearest thing

Let's keep hangin' on
So we won't fall apart
Let's make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart

Don't be afraid to close your eyes
Pretend I'm someone that you love
And I won't have to tell you lies
'Cause it's not you I'm thinkin' of

Let's keep hangin' on
So we won't fall apart
Let's make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart

Tonight we'll just pretend
We've been in love right from the start
Let's make love again
Like we never had a broken heart
Let's make love again
Like we never had a broken heart

Don't be afraid to close your eyes



Writer: Patrick Alger
Copyright: Polygram Int. Publishing Inc., Universal Music Corp.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

On Seeds Scattered in Rocky Soil

 

There is a great difference between a mystery of God
 that no man understands,
 and a mystery of God laid hold of,
 let it be but by one single man. 



The latter is already a revelation; and,
 passing through that man's mind,
 will be so presented,
 it may be so _feebly_ presented,
 that it will not hurt his fellows.


 Let God conceal as he will:
 (although I believe he is ever destroying concealment,
 ever giving all that he can,
 all that men can receive at his hands,
 that he does not want to conceal anything,
 but to reveal everything,)


the light which any man has received 
is not to be put under a bushel;
it is for him and his fellows.



 In sowing the seed he will not withhold his hand
 because there are thorns and stony places and waysides.

 He will think that in some cases
 even a bird of the air may carry the matter,
 that the good seed may be too much for the thorns,
 that that which withers away upon the stony place
 may yet leave there,
 by its own decay,
 a deeper soil for the next seed to root itself in.

 Besides,
 they only can receive the doctrine who have ears to hear.

 If the selfish man could believe it,
 he would misinterpret it;
 but he cannot believe it.
 It is not possible that he should

. But the loving soul,
 oppressed by wrong teaching,
 or partial truth claiming to be the whole,
 will hear,
 understand, rejoice.

 (George Macdonald, Unspoken Sermons)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

On the gods communications.


Do the gods of different nations
talk to each other?


Do the gods of Chinese cities
speak to the ancestors of the Japanese?

To the lords of Xibalba?
To Allah? 
Yahweh? 
Vishnu?

Is there some annual get-together
where they compare each other's worshippers?

Mine will bow their faces to the floor
and trace woodgrain lines for me, says one.

Mine will sacrifice animals, says another.

Mine will kill anyone who insults me, says a third.

Here is the question I think of most often:
Are there any who can honestly boast,

My worshippers obey my good laws,
and treat each other kindly,
and live simple generous lives?

excerpt from "The God Whispers of Han Qing-jao"
(Children of the Mind, Orson Scott Card)

Thursday, January 30, 2014

On Doubt, Evidence, and Choice



Freely chosen belief cannot be coerced upon us by evidence.
I have come to learn that there must be good evidence for belief as well as disbelief.
 If there is not, then belief cannot truly be a free choice.

“But belief itself is a choice I wrestle with God for,
somewhere in a dark swampland,
my inner landscape;
where not only God’s credibility,
but my own are at stake”
(Wendy Ulrich).

I believe because I choose to believe.
Just as God freely chooses to “sustain a loving relationship” with me,
I freely choose to reciprocate that relationship.

God does not tolerate me,
he loves me.

I do not tolerate God,
I love God.

Because of that love,
I am called upon,
 not to tolerate others,
but to love them;

I pray that those with whom I share the pews at church
will reciprocate that love towards me.

It is within my Mormon faith,
a faith that has been given to me by my parents,
that I have found and felt God’s infinite love.

http://rationalfaiths.com/why-i-am-mormon/
Michael Barker

Saturday, January 18, 2014

On Two Famous Rabbis

“Chapter 16 -- The Fence




A great rabbi stands teaching in the marketplace. It happens that a husband finds proof that morning of his wife's adultery, and a mob carries her to the marketplace to stone her to death. (There is a familiar version of this story, but a friend of mine, a Speaker for the Dead, has told me of two other rabbis that faced the same situation. Those are the ones I'm going to tell you.)

The rabbi walks forward and stands beside the woman. Out of respect for him the mob forbears, and waits with the stones heavy in their hands, "Is there anyone here," he says to them, "who has not desired another man's wife, another woman's husband?"

They murmur and say, "We all know the desire. But, Rabbi, none of us has acted
on it."

The rabbi says, "Then kneel down and give thanks that God made you strong."

He takes the woman by the hand and leads her out of the market. Just before he lets her go, he whispers to her, "Tell the lord magistrate who saved his mistress. Then he'll know I am his loyal servant."

So the woman lives, because the community is too corrupt to protect itself from disorder.

Another rabbi, another city, He goes to her and stops the mob, as in the other story, and says, "Which of you is without sin? Let him cast the first stone." The people are abashed, and they forget their unity of purpose in the memory of their own individual sins. Someday, they think, I may be like this woman, and I'll hope for forgiveness and another chance. I should treat her the way I wish to be treated.

As they open their hands and let the stones fall to the ground, the rabbi picks up one of the fallen stones, lifts it high over the woman's head, and throws it straight down with all his might. It crushes her skull and dashes her brains onto the cobblestones.

"Nor am I without sin," he says to the people. "But if we allow only perfect people to enforce the law, the law will soon be dead, and our city with it." So the woman died because her community was too rigid to endure her deviance.

The famous version of this story is noteworthy because it is so startlingly rare in our experience. Most communities lurch between decay and rigor mortis, and when they veer too far, they die. Only one rabbi dared to expect of us such a perfect balance that we could preserve the law and still forgive the deviation. So, of course, we killed him.

-- San Angelo, Letters to on Incipient Heretic, trans. Amai a Tudomundo Para
Que Deus Vos Ame Crist o, 103:72:54:2”

(Orson Scott Card, The Speaker of the Dead)


On sharing Mammas Burden

“I ride east every other Friday but if I had it my way
Days would not be wasted on this drive
And I want so bad to hold you
Son, there's things I haven't told you…”

"So I'll drive
And I think about my life
And wonder that I'll slowly die inside …"

“A day might come and you'll realize ….
…. if you could see through my eyes
There was no other way to work it out
And a part of you might hate me
But son please don't mistake me, For”
One  “that didn't care at all.”

I remained deeply angry with my mother for the better part of two decades. 

Growing up, my Mom was not present in my life.  I got up when I wanted, left for school by myself and came home to an empty house.  When food was available, I fixed myself something to eat.  I learned to clean my own laundry and wash my own dishes.  Mom and Dad came home somewhere between 8:00 pm and 10:00 pm.  I knew little of how they lived their lives.  Their evenings were spent with my Dad’s younger brother  When Mom was home, she was not present. 

She consumed television,
like cheap whiskey.
I came to share the pain,
she mask so long ago.



My mother kept a pack of cigarettes in the car.
Mom calmed her her nerves with long drives
and a drag on a cigarette.

My Mom knelt with us at an alter
and made a covenant with god,
that she would carry my fathers burden,
the thorn in his flesh.

This was the start of their covenant marriage.

Helpmeets they were, they completed each other.

My wife and I have a covenant marriage.

Mom died a few years ago
in helping my 
Father 

I carry the burden.
I live in her world.

In understanding my father,
I  understand myself.
I recognize the source of her pain.

She deeply loved my father and never wanted the world to see
the man she knew and loved. 



“So when you drive
And the years go flying by
I hope you smile
If I ever cross your mind
It was a pleasure of my life
And I cherished every time
And my whole world
It begins and ends with you
On that Highway 20 ride ....”

Writer(s): Zachry Brown, Wyatt Durrette
Copyright: Angelika Music