Not of my accord

If I were lead to hell,
Not of my accord,
Would you be with me?

Would you hold my hand,
And sing sweet lullaby's,
Of comfort to me.

Though knowest the end,
And the beginning.

What must I learn,
Being driven to Hell,
Like Job, or Virgil.

Though standest by me,
As a true friend.

Of free will then comes the choice,
But not the consequences.

Never alone, am I,
Or far from thee,
And thy thoughts.

(Inspired from reading of "The Sparrow", Maria Doria Russell,1996)

Luv you still

If you knew,
I was a sinner,
Would you luv,
me, still?

Still, I am,
A sinner, still.

Never moving,
Never growing.

Dammed, I am,
By choice,
My own.

To grow, I must,
Be dammed, no more.

Yet I luv,
You, still.

On television, and cheap whiskey

She consumed television,

like a drunk consumed,

cheap whiskey.

To mask this pain,

We now, both share

The pack of cigarettes,
she kept, waiting in the car.

It calmed her nerves
To Drag the car,
and the cigarette.

She knelt at an alter,
the altar to her God.

To make this covenant,
with her God,

that she would carry my father's burden,
Like a thorn in her flesh.

Like her God carried her,
so long ago,
like a crown made of thorns

This was their covenant marriage.

Helpmeets they were,
they completed each other.

Mom died a few years ago
in helping my, Father

I carry her burden.
I live in her world.

In understanding my father,
I  understand myself.
I recognize the source of her pain.

She deeply loved my father,
and never wanted the world to see,
the man she knew and loved.

My wife and I knelt at an alter
with our children too.

We made a covenant,
that comes with a crown of thorns.

Someday, when our children,
have children.

I hope they learn to live,
and luv our world too.

To sin, the choice.

To sin the choice,
This I have made.

Sin is a choice
And to this I do.

Of ignorance comes,
the transgression.

But this sin,
I must choose.

Of foreknowledge,
And desire.

I have chosen this,
Sin for so long.

A pattern it is,
And I know no other.

Other sinners,
Must I seek.

Like two drunks,
In an A.A. meeting.

Will Bill and Bob,
Help me to change.

To sin no more,
A day at a time.

Then  is this
The church real,

The Body of Christ.

Sinners in a great AA meeting.