Saturday, January 18, 2014

On sharing Mammas Burden

“I ride east every other Friday but if I had it my way
Days would not be wasted on this drive
And I want so bad to hold you
Son, there's things I haven't told you…”

"So I'll drive
And I think about my life
And wonder that I'll slowly die inside …"

“A day might come and you'll realize ….
…. if you could see through my eyes
There was no other way to work it out
And a part of you might hate me
But son please don't mistake me, For”
One  “that didn't care at all.”

I remained deeply angry with my mother for the better part of two decades. 

Growing up, my Mom was not present in my life.  I got up when I wanted, left for school by myself and came home to an empty house.  When food was available, I fixed myself something to eat.  I learned to clean my own laundry and wash my own dishes.  Mom and Dad came home somewhere between 8:00 pm and 10:00 pm.  I knew little of how they lived their lives.  Their evenings were spent with my Dad’s younger brother  When Mom was home, she was not present. 

She consumed television,
like cheap whiskey.
I came to share the pain,
she mask so long ago.



My mother kept a pack of cigarettes in the car.
Mom calmed her her nerves with long drives
and a drag on a cigarette.

My Mom knelt with us at an alter
and made a covenant with god,
that she would carry my fathers burden,
the thorn in his flesh.

This was the start of their covenant marriage.

Helpmeets they were, they completed each other.

My wife and I have a covenant marriage.

Mom died a few years ago
in helping my 
Father 

I carry the burden.
I live in her world.

In understanding my father,
I  understand myself.
I recognize the source of her pain.

She deeply loved my father and never wanted the world to see
the man she knew and loved. 



“So when you drive
And the years go flying by
I hope you smile
If I ever cross your mind
It was a pleasure of my life
And I cherished every time
And my whole world
It begins and ends with you
On that Highway 20 ride ....”

Writer(s): Zachry Brown, Wyatt Durrette
Copyright: Angelika Music